Just when things are good, they get bad

Asher took a very bad turn today. He started having increased bradys this morning so he was put back on CPAP. He was not responding well, so they changed the setting to BiPAP (a set rate, similar to the ventilator but without a tube down his throat) and moved him to level 3.  He is fairly stable and so far has not needed to be intubated, but we'll see. They really have no idea what's going on because his chest x-ray looks terrible (alveoli are all collapsed) but he doesn't show signs of infection. He is on antibiotics until they can rule out he doesn't need them, and they have stopped his feed and put him on an IV.

Needless to say, I am not coping. Nolan is alone in level 2, moved to a small cot with all signs of Asher removed. I'm not sure why they moved Nolan out of their crib when there is another singleton in level 2 in one, but I am trying not to get overly upset about that at the moment because I have enough to worry about.

We really thought that this good spell we have been on was the beginning of the end of our NICU journey, but apparently another setback was in order. I have begun mentally preparing myself that they very well may not be home by the end of February, and when they are discharged there will likely be readmissions to the pediatric ICU over the course of the next two years until they become stronger.

Not a good day. We'll keep you posted.