Today has been an emotional day. Asher and Nolan's little friend "E" is going home tomorrow. We have seen countless babies come and go during our stay, but none as special to us as him. E was born 10 days before our boys at a very similar gestation so we have been together from the start. We have ridden the rollercoaster together and have watched all three boys go through their ups and downs. Until very recently there were many similarities between the boys so they were like unofficial triplets. For the first several weeks the monitors literally never stopped ringing between the three of them. But suddenly in the past couple weeks E has really turned things around and is ready to go home.
Of course I am jealous, I think that goes without saying. But more so, I am absolutely thrilled for his parents. E's mom and I have forged a friendship throughout this ordeal and have proven to be great supports for each other. Many sessions of venting, swearing, crying, and most importantly laughing, have been shared. It has been amazing to have someone to go through this with because unless you're in it, you can't really understand how it feels. We have been seen each others' families go through our worst, scariest times, and we have also been witness to the best times. E's mom was there the first day I got to hold both boys at the same time and I think she was as excited as I was!
But envy and happiness for them aside, I am most struck with a feeling of loneliness. I am suddenly in a room full of parents I don't really know. And then there's their tiny little babies - half the size of ours, most of which are not even on monitors anymore, and most if not all will go home ahead of us. And I know that ours were earlier, and twins, and had a horribly rough start and BLAH BLAH FREAKIN BLAH. I know why they're still there but it's not making it any easier. With every day that they make improvements, I seem to get more tired and frustrated. To make matters even more emotional, both of our primary nurses go on holidays as of today and tomorrow for the next 2 and 3 weeks so I feel lost without them too! I know we have made it almost 4 months through endless scary setbacks, and this is just another low moment that will also pass. But seriously, when are we going to be done?! Can't someone just flip that magic switch that makes them ready to come home?
Anyway, enough wallowing, I know it doesn't help. The boys will come home when they're good and ready, they're clearly just not as ready as me. So farewell our sweet little buddy E and his mama and dad. We look forward to many playdates and happy memories in the future. When a friendship starts in the worst of situations like this one did, it's sure to last a lifetime.