Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Dream
Something very weird has been happening to Jordan and I, but specifically me. I dream, nearly every night, that one or both of the babies is in bed with us and I am smothering them. Generally, I jolt up with my heart racing, rip back the covers, throw the pillows around and then wake up and realize it's all a dream. Jordan has had it a few times as well, but it is slightly more dramatic for me, given my penchant for both sleep talking and sleep walking. I genuinely believe there is a baby buried somewhere in the duvet cover and I completely panic, whereas Jordan has the dream, wakes up, realizes the duvet is just the duvet, and goes back to sleep. It happened with Rio too, but for some reason it's happening more frequently this time around. The funny thing is that it's not remotely possible that we smother them because they are never in bed with us. Don't get me wrong, the family bed works for some and I'm cool with that, but I am definitely not cool with it for us. I can barely stand the sound of them through the baby monitor at the opposite end of the house, much less the same room, nay, same bed as us. So why is this happening?! What kind of anxiety is this really representing?! Other parents - have you had this weirdo dream too?? Make it stop!!
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Oh I hated that dream......when I had Chloe we let her sleep with us, not for the whole night, but definitely in the mornings when Brian would get up to go to work - in fact that was our best sleep together, I remember it like it was yesterday. I am sure as parents of a new born, we all remember how much easier it was to let this little precious baby sleep with us than to have to fully wake up ourselves and put them back to bed. Once Chloe went happily back to her own bed I remember very well, as does Brian, how I would literally hit him awake in the middle of the night, yelling at him that he was smothering his daughter, meanwhile Chloe was happily asleep in her own bed. This did not just happen once, it happened OFTEN, for MONTHS. It finally subsided, not sure why, but I was happy that it did.
ReplyDeleteI chalk it up to being a mom, constantly worried about our kids well being, always making sure that no one will hurt them. Although I rarely hit Brian awake at night anymore, I will still, to this day, take on ANYONE that I believe is hurting my child. Chalk it up to parenthood I guess.
Auntie Di
I totally had that.... there would be times where I was so tired that I sat up in our bed with him, while he fussed. ONce he was asleep I would put him in his room, because just like you, I don't sleep if he is around. (they're noisy little buggers)
ReplyDeleteI'd always wake up frantic, thinking he was still on my chest, or in my arms, and I was sleeping on him, or that he was lost in the bed.....
Yikes!
I thought maybe I was so tired when I put him back in his crib that I didn't remember.
Apparently it's a common dream?!><)( WHO KNEW?
Eva
Jamie and I had that dream with Molly a lot - and I wouldn't know it was a dream and I would be digging in the duvet trying to find her, but she was in her bassinet. This time around, I often leave Jillian in our bed after she wakes up to fed, and I don't have the dream anymore. I think it's because I know where she is - beside me - so I don't have the moment of panic while I try to find her. Anyways, I feel you pain. It's a crappy way to wake up.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have that exact dream but I did dream often, when Elsie was tiny, that I stuffed her in the diaper bag with all of her gear, not even realizing what I had done, and just carried her around screaming, not seeming to care that she was suffocating in a pile of diapers and baby stuff...it was awful. I woke up crying...it was one of the most awful and real dreams I have ever had.
ReplyDeleteOne night, after having the dream a few times, it changed a little and Elsie was still in the diaper bag screaming but I actually left her in the bag on the street and took off.
Yuk! Our minds are so mean to us!
Cheryl.
I also have this dream. It totally freaks me out. I'm digging under the duvet trying to find him and then I wake up and remember that he's asleep in his crib in his room. Trystan is 3 1/2 months and I still have this dream every night.
ReplyDeleteClare
Been there, done that too. It's awful. I also had a reoccuring dream that my oldest had died because he had fallen down the stairs. In this dream I would see him in his coffin. That dream sent me to a therapist. Very scary what our minds do.
ReplyDeleteA
I had the same awful nightmare many a time with Toscane, as did Eric.
ReplyDeleteHang in there you two!
Bises
Well, if it's any consolation, I had forgotten all about that dream until reading your post. So hopefully it's shortlived for you guys. I also remember waking up when Dev came to bed one night and frantically asking, "where's Amelia?" as I patted down the bed and ripped open the covers...sure enough she was in her crib right where I left her and not stolen or lost.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had the dream but I think about it A LOT. Ron has woken up TONNES, thinking I, or the baby is falling off the bed, smothered, etc. He also has a real sleep talking/walking problem. I am constantly having what I call my "scenarios" in my head of all the different things that could happen to the girls: fire, kidnapping, and more horrid things too. I thought I was crazy but I think as parents, we just love our kids sooooo much that we can't help but think about their vulnerability all the time. It makes sense that yours is much more intense maybe because you have TWO babies but more because of all that you've been through! Your boys have and are continuing to beat odds and be incredible and even you have said that you're waiting for the honeymoon to be over. Maybe it's time to just live in the honeymoon and don't think about it being over! Enjoy those little honeys, and jump over the moon with them every day :)Heehee! Hope this made some sort of sense. xoxo Mel
ReplyDelete