The boys have recently become little buggers when it comes to feeding. A lot of screwing around with the bottle and not finishing full amounts. They are easily distracted, mostly by their sister, but even removing her when we are feeding doesn't always help. At first I thought Nolan might be starting to teethe, but now I realize this is just a little game he plays, and somehow he has managed to teach Asher his tricks. There is a lot of exasperated huffing and puffing by the parents while the boys smile up at us from underneath their bottles.
To make matters even more difficult, for the most part they refuse to be tandem fed. Doesn't mean they've stopped wanting to eat at the same time - oh no, they want to eat together - they just won't put up with being plunked in a chair and having bottles stuffed in their mouths at the same time. This makes life more difficult when one parent is left alone with them. So it goes something like this now: Warm up two bottles, stick both boys in chair together, stick bottles in mouths at same time. Both boys start to eat for a couple minutes, slowwwwlllly, and then one starts to screw around just a bit too much and gets the bottle yanked. So the "good" brother gets picked up where he gets some one on one feeding in arms while the "bad" brother waits, impatiently, in the chair. After a couple minutes of that, either the brother in the arms start screwing around, or the brother in the chair starts complaining more loudly so they get switched. Boy who was in arms loses his turn and waits for his brother to eat. This all goes on until I make the switch again. And again. And again. Seriously sometimes I switch them back and forth 4 times in a feed. Pfffffff. They are much too clever for me and since they are starting to show a lot of interest while the rest of us eat, I think they are trying to say "Enough with the damn milk, bring on the good stuff!" We'll see what the pediatrician says in a couple weeks, but may be time to start solids. Fun!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Quick pics
I realize that I have been lacking in pics of the boys lately so here's a couple. Rio did a photo session with her camera (CUTE!) but I can't seem to find the pics once I imported them to the computer. Regardless, I did catch one of the photographer in action.
More pics tomorrow for their 7 month bday.
More pics tomorrow for their 7 month bday.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Another good appointment
Today was another good day on the health front for the family. We had a checkup with our family doc for all three kids. Miss Rio tipped the scales at a whopping 45 lbs and 43 inches at a perfectly proportioned 95th+ percentile for both. Asher gained more than a pound in the past two weeks to weigh in at 13 lbs 12 oz and Nolan gained just under a pound at 15 lbs 7 oz. All is well and chubby with the T5 today!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
IDP 16 week assessment
Today the boys had their 16 week assessment with their childcare worker from the Infant Development Program. Good news all around and the boys are meeting and even surpassing some of their expected milestones. As we pointed out to her, Asher is ever so slightly less strong than Nolan in terms of his core strength, yet he is apparently behaving just as he should be and Nolan is actually exceeding expectations. She gave us some good ideas for exercises to work on with them but for the most part those will just be integrated into daily life. Poor little guys have been through enough, we don't need to develop a workout routine for them! They are doing great so we don't want to push them too hard; however, I know that they may not always be keeping up with their milestones so we should be giving them any leg up that we can.
Both boys put on quite the performance so here's hoping for long afternoon naps...
Both boys put on quite the performance so here's hoping for long afternoon naps...
Don't judge a book you haven't read
On this imperfect life journey with the twins, I have learned a lot. One of the most important things being to NOT JUDGE other parents on the choices they make for their kids. Sure, if you're a junkie with a neglected kid, I'm going to judge. But if you're a good, loving parent who is making their decisions solely in the best interests of their child(ren) then how is it my place to think that my way is right and your way is wrong?
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend and we were talking about how she thinks that people are judging her for child rearing decisions she has made. Not only does the judging bother her, but more so that no one knows why she's made these decisions and how in hindsight she wishes she may have done things differently from the beginning.
And then there is another preemie mom friend of mine. One of her children is still in the hospital and she recently had a great life changing event that will be best for herself and her partner and kids in the long run, yet she is being judged for it by some. It made me absolutely sick that someone had the audacity to judge her for it (on facebook of all places where any half-wit member of the peanut gallery can chime in). I personally think she is making the best choice ever, but who cares what I think, or what anyone thinks for that matter.
Jordan and I are lucky that we have very supportive friends and family who understand the journey these boys have been on and why we are so uptight with them now. We aren't going to leave the kids with anyone for the foreseeable future. We are going to get you to keep washing your hands when you're around them right through next winter. We're probably never going to let you bottle feed them. We're not going to take them out to events with large groups of people. And we're certainly not letting you anywhere near them if you have so much as a sniffle. All because we are confident that's what's best for the boys and we don't really care what anyone else thinks. If we are silently getting judged for being over protective, then shame on you I guess. Because they look so healthy now, everyone around us may eventually forget that these boys spent the first 5 months of their lives in hospital, but we won't.
None of us has walked in each others' shoes or lived a minute in each others' families. So for us parents, let's be each others' biggest supporters and not worst enemies, ok? If any of you can say you've never judged another parent then you're either fibbing, or a WAY better person than me :)
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend and we were talking about how she thinks that people are judging her for child rearing decisions she has made. Not only does the judging bother her, but more so that no one knows why she's made these decisions and how in hindsight she wishes she may have done things differently from the beginning.
And then there is another preemie mom friend of mine. One of her children is still in the hospital and she recently had a great life changing event that will be best for herself and her partner and kids in the long run, yet she is being judged for it by some. It made me absolutely sick that someone had the audacity to judge her for it (on facebook of all places where any half-wit member of the peanut gallery can chime in). I personally think she is making the best choice ever, but who cares what I think, or what anyone thinks for that matter.
Jordan and I are lucky that we have very supportive friends and family who understand the journey these boys have been on and why we are so uptight with them now. We aren't going to leave the kids with anyone for the foreseeable future. We are going to get you to keep washing your hands when you're around them right through next winter. We're probably never going to let you bottle feed them. We're not going to take them out to events with large groups of people. And we're certainly not letting you anywhere near them if you have so much as a sniffle. All because we are confident that's what's best for the boys and we don't really care what anyone else thinks. If we are silently getting judged for being over protective, then shame on you I guess. Because they look so healthy now, everyone around us may eventually forget that these boys spent the first 5 months of their lives in hospital, but we won't.
None of us has walked in each others' shoes or lived a minute in each others' families. So for us parents, let's be each others' biggest supporters and not worst enemies, ok? If any of you can say you've never judged another parent then you're either fibbing, or a WAY better person than me :)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Girls Day
Today I took Rio out on a much needed mother/daughter day. Every couple months Rio and I go on a shopping and lunch date. Usually I need to run some downtown errand, so bring her along and make a field trip out of it. Every time prior to today it has involved a busride, which I think is the highlight of the trip for her, but today we needed to make a few stops (and it was pourrrrring) so driving was in the cards.
The first time I did this with her was a year and a half ago. We did some Christmas shopping then I took her to Rebar. She was only 2 and a half yet she blew me away with her good behaviour while she quietly sipped her smoothie and steamed milk. It was the first time I felt like I had a real lunch date and was not just bringing my baby along.
Every outing she gets more and more patient and can pound the pavement a little farther. Today we were all over downtown with no outbursts or complaining, first running some errands then spending some of her birthday money. Until this birthday, every penny she has received as a gift has gone straight into her RESP, but this year with everything that has gone on and what a good girl she's been, we decided to let her spend a little bit of it. First stop was a very nice new baby store downtown called Hip Baby where she picked out a wooden dollhouse family. If only we could afford to shop there all the time, the loot was amazing! Next stop was our favourite restaurant Mo:Le. We sat at the first table we ever sat at with her, next to the wood stove, and she was thrilled to find out that the first time we took her there she was small enough to sit on top of the stove in her carseat (obviously it was not fired up!). Rio ate her favourite spelt pancakes and I ate the best sandwich I have ever eaten - avocado and crispy fried dulse with almond sauce. OMG, I just had to tell you about it because it was THAT good. Last stop was over to Build A Bear to get a stuffed Panda named Cinderella, dressed as a fairy princess dress. Oy.
What a great day! I dream of the day in a few years when the girls date involves ear piercing! Oh I just LOVE having a daughter!
The first time I did this with her was a year and a half ago. We did some Christmas shopping then I took her to Rebar. She was only 2 and a half yet she blew me away with her good behaviour while she quietly sipped her smoothie and steamed milk. It was the first time I felt like I had a real lunch date and was not just bringing my baby along.
Every outing she gets more and more patient and can pound the pavement a little farther. Today we were all over downtown with no outbursts or complaining, first running some errands then spending some of her birthday money. Until this birthday, every penny she has received as a gift has gone straight into her RESP, but this year with everything that has gone on and what a good girl she's been, we decided to let her spend a little bit of it. First stop was a very nice new baby store downtown called Hip Baby where she picked out a wooden dollhouse family. If only we could afford to shop there all the time, the loot was amazing! Next stop was our favourite restaurant Mo:Le. We sat at the first table we ever sat at with her, next to the wood stove, and she was thrilled to find out that the first time we took her there she was small enough to sit on top of the stove in her carseat (obviously it was not fired up!). Rio ate her favourite spelt pancakes and I ate the best sandwich I have ever eaten - avocado and crispy fried dulse with almond sauce. OMG, I just had to tell you about it because it was THAT good. Last stop was over to Build A Bear to get a stuffed Panda named Cinderella, dressed as a fairy princess dress. Oy.
What a great day! I dream of the day in a few years when the girls date involves ear piercing! Oh I just LOVE having a daughter!
Stop, drop and roll
Asher rolled over today! He was doing some tummy time and not very happy about it and next time I looked he was on his back. Of course I couldn't get him to do it again and sadly no one witnessed it, but exciting nonetheless!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
What makes teeth come in?
Yesterday as Nolan was screwing around with his feeds ALL DAY, I started wondering whether his gums were hurting. I realize that at only 3.5 months corrected they are probably too young to be starting to teethe, but you never know. It really got me thinking though - what makes teething start? Is it nature or nurture, i.e., are you preprogrammed from conception as to when your teeth are going to cut, or does something environmental start the process? If it's part of you and not influenced by the environment, are the boys going to start teething at the same time because they were in fact the same person at the beginning? Obviously developmental things like walking, talking, laughing, grabbing are influenced by surroundings, but a piece of bone jutting out of a gum - what makes that happen?
Wild guesses anyone? Or better yet, anyone have an educated answer?
Wild guesses anyone? Or better yet, anyone have an educated answer?
Sunday, May 23, 2010
My Helper
Rio, for the most part, has been a HUGE help with the boys. She is another set of hands to grab a spit cloth (now known to our family as a "barthy" because Rio thinks the word barf is actually "barth"), sing and dance in their faces, "plug the whole" (stick in a soother) and just generally entertain them.
Today,when both boys were fed, I put them safely in their bouncy chairs in the living room with Rio who was on PBS playing a game. I heard yelling shortly thereafter so I asked Rio if they were fine and she said "It's just the yellow guy mom" (Asher in a yellow sleeper) assuring me everything was ok. Within 2 minutes, both boys were crying. I was about to stop pumping and go rescue them when I suddenly heard Rio break into Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She sang that once and the crying didn't stop so I heard her say "Soothers!" and then she ran into the kitchen to grab two and try to stop the crying. It was only when the crying didn't stop that I heard "Muuuummmmmyyyy" and I went to help.
That is my little mama. I couldn't believe she pulled out the singing and the soothers before she even asked for help. Now, while I type this beside them, she's on the floor going back and forth dangling toys while they lie on their activity mats. What a girl!
ps - Another quick Rio anecdote - Yesterday we were at the park and she was on the swings. After I got her going, she started pumping her legs as daddy taught her. She looked at me with a funny look on her face so I knew something good was coming...she said "Mommy, I'm pumping my legs not my boobies" and then she laughed her head off. What a ham. Damn that pump. Even the 4 year old is making jokes about it!
Today,when both boys were fed, I put them safely in their bouncy chairs in the living room with Rio who was on PBS playing a game. I heard yelling shortly thereafter so I asked Rio if they were fine and she said "It's just the yellow guy mom" (Asher in a yellow sleeper) assuring me everything was ok. Within 2 minutes, both boys were crying. I was about to stop pumping and go rescue them when I suddenly heard Rio break into Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She sang that once and the crying didn't stop so I heard her say "Soothers!" and then she ran into the kitchen to grab two and try to stop the crying. It was only when the crying didn't stop that I heard "Muuuummmmmyyyy" and I went to help.
That is my little mama. I couldn't believe she pulled out the singing and the soothers before she even asked for help. Now, while I type this beside them, she's on the floor going back and forth dangling toys while they lie on their activity mats. What a girl!
ps - Another quick Rio anecdote - Yesterday we were at the park and she was on the swings. After I got her going, she started pumping her legs as daddy taught her. She looked at me with a funny look on her face so I knew something good was coming...she said "Mommy, I'm pumping my legs not my boobies" and then she laughed her head off. What a ham. Damn that pump. Even the 4 year old is making jokes about it!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Cute on a Saturday
This morning I took the kids for a walk. Two hours after I began the feed/bathe/dress cycle for 3 kids and 1 adult, we made it out of the house in one piece and enjoyed the sun at the park.
Quick shot of the amazing outfits cousin Pika made before they get barfed on
Let's roll!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Co-sleeping
Prior to all the boys' complications, we had hoped our twins would co-sleep in the same crib, offering them the chance to cuddle up to each other for comfort. But instead, we got stuck with reflux x 2 and therefore they sleep harnessed in to a 30 degree wedge. Not so comforting. When we brought all the apparatus home from the hospital, we set them up exactly as they were there - separated by about a foot and each in their own "nest" of supporting rolls around them to keep them in good position. We gave up the idea of co-sleeping and realized that simply sharing a crib would have to do.
Then we realized that every time they nap together on our bed they somehow manage to snuggle and Jordan questioned me on why I continued to set their bed up as they had in the hospital. Hmmm. Good question. Habit? They didn't seem to need the overkill of support I had propped around them, so I ripped their bedding apart and built one giant nest around the two of them, lining their slings up only inches apart.
This was the result:
That's more like it! Happy sleeping sweet princes! Finally, almost 7 months later, sleeping together as we'd hoped. Every day things get more and more "normal" around here.
Then we realized that every time they nap together on our bed they somehow manage to snuggle and Jordan questioned me on why I continued to set their bed up as they had in the hospital. Hmmm. Good question. Habit? They didn't seem to need the overkill of support I had propped around them, so I ripped their bedding apart and built one giant nest around the two of them, lining their slings up only inches apart.
This was the result:
(Yes, Asher is smiling)
That's more like it! Happy sleeping sweet princes! Finally, almost 7 months later, sleeping together as we'd hoped. Every day things get more and more "normal" around here.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
No Show
For the first time ever, I no showed an appointment today. Not an appointment for the kids, nooo of course not. Only an appointment for me, one I have been looking forward to for weeks since I booked it (acupuncture). I was talking about it as recently as Monday and then today came and I forgot. In fact instead of just not going because I was doing something fun, I decided that exact time would be the perfect time to take the boys to the hospital for bloodwork - so NOT fun. (We were the only people there yet managed to wait forever and then the boys screamed for at least 10 minutes while they tried to squeeze blood out of the end of their fingers. Awesome).
At about 1:30 I realized that my 11:00 appointment was long over. I sheepishly called my acupuncturist who of course was very understanding but I was still horrified. I re-booked and asked her to call me the morning of to remind me so I don't miss it next time.
I, the most organized person I know, may be starting to unravel. Just in time for Jordan to go back to work :(
At about 1:30 I realized that my 11:00 appointment was long over. I sheepishly called my acupuncturist who of course was very understanding but I was still horrified. I re-booked and asked her to call me the morning of to remind me so I don't miss it next time.
I, the most organized person I know, may be starting to unravel. Just in time for Jordan to go back to work :(
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
She's 4!
Miss Rio Elisabeth is 4 today! I can't believe how quickly the time has passed. I remember early on one of Jordan's coworkers had said to me that once you have kids you start judging how quickly time passes as they grow, and suddenly you'll wake up and 20 years will have passed. That is all too true because I really can't figure out where the past 4 years have gone.
Four years ago today was one of the most amazing days of my life. I had been blessed with a 6 hour, uncomplicated labour, but the final 2.5 hours of that were pushing so I was totally exhausted. As Jordan handed me this little bundle I was in complete awe...and shocked that the he I was so sure I was carrying was actually a she! She owned my heart the second I laid my eyes on her. I loved her so fiercely and unquestionably from the very second, and holding her in my arms I knew this was where my life was meant to be. Names were discussed all day and finally we decided she was not the "Mazie" we had always envisioned she'd be. So there she was - a perfect little Rio.
Within a few days of having her home I remarked to Jordan that we had wasted the past 7 years together without having kids because she was soooo wonderful. Little did I know that those years we spent together without kids probably gave us the foundation to grow as a couple and be the parents that we now are. Then, the first few months of her life admittedly got hard. Our little angel turned into a devil due to a horrible tummy. Soon we were all miserable 24/7. After several rough, tearful weeks, we figured out what would fix her (thank-you Lactaid!) and we again had a happy, sunny baby on our hands and never looked back.
As every day with Rio passed I was sure she couldn't get any cuter, yet somehow each day managed to outdo the previous. She got brighter, funnier, and more beautiful and every day I wondered both how I was so lucky, and how I could possibly love her even more. Some days she does things that are so remarkable to me I think my heart is going to burst right out of my chest.
We think we have the smartest and most beautiful daughter around (like all parents think of their own), but I do truly think Rio is unmatched in her sensitivity and empathy. This child is an old soul who is so in tune with what we are feeling. She has had such patience and understanding in her short life, particularly when we were going through our loss, and dealing with the boys in the hospital. She seems to "get" things more than most kids, and while a lot of the time I think this is a blessing, I often wonder if it is a curse that she understands so much more than she really needs to.
For the past few months Rio has regularly said "Let's be best friends forever" to me. Every time she says it I try to store up the happiness that gives me for 10 years from now when she likely doesn't want to talk to me much less be my best friend. The other night she started to cry when she was telling Jordan she didn't want to grow up and move out because she wants to live with us forever. Oh Rio, if only you knew!
So on this May 18th 2010 I am wishing our beautiful, brilliant, lovely Rio a happy 4th birthday. As she has heard me say a million times, and has repeated back to me a million more - what would I do without you? Because Rio I really don't know what I would do without you. You are my strength, you are my personal comedian and entertainer, and above all, 4 years ago today you changed my heart. xoxox
May 18, 2006
May 18, 2007
May 18, 2008
May 18, 2009
May 18, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Birthday Girl
Rio turns 4 on Tuesday and today was her birthday party. We kept it really low key and small this year in order to alleviate some of my Martha-esque party planning tendencies when I have so much going on with the boys. It didn't really help because while there were far less guests than other years, I spent at least as much time over-planning and stressing. The day went off without a hitch and the birthday girl and friends had fun at their tea party themed soiree. I will give you some more profound words later about the fact that my baby is turning 4 (where have 4 years gone?!) but for now, it's time now to put my feet up!
Rio's favourite part of the day - decorating and eating cookies
Mama's favourite part of the day - the success of the tea pot cake!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Laughs!
Yesterday Asher had his first laugh! A big, hearty giggle from the belly. Both boys vocalize loudly and excitedly when they are happy but this was the first real laugh we have heard from either of them. And to think we were worried about Asher when he didn't smile as soon as Nolan. Sheesh, I guess he was just saving it all up!!
Pediatrician Checkup
The boys met their new pediatrician (back from mat leave) today. I am pleased to say she is as lovely and as pretty as her locum was. (Yes, I am shallow enough that I was taken in by her beauty and like her more for it).
The boys are doing great in terms of growing. Both gaining a bunch of weight, with Nolan at 14 lbs 8 oz and Asher starting to close the gap at 12 lbs 11 oz. Nolan is in the 75th percentile and Asher is in the 25th for their corrected age of 3 months. Nolan is actually so big that he is registering on the growth curve for 6 month old boys. Way to go fatty!
She removed one of their meds for reflux as we were sure it wasn't doing anything. We were happy with this change and also happy to be giving out medication 2 times less per day.
She looked at Asher closely and did not see any difference in muscle tone between his two sides. Every month he gets older this is even better news. She did note that he has a very defined startle reflex, more so than Nolan and this is something we too have noticed. She wasn't sure if this points to higher muscle tone overall (not necessarily a good thing) but something for us to follow up with in the NICU clinic/IDP just in case.
In slightly worse news, Nolan definitely has an inguinal hernia in his groin and Asher may as well. This means a referral to a surgeon and surgery for at least Nolan, possibly Asher, in hopefully the not too distant future. I would have thought that given what we have been through I would be reasonably calm upon hearing this news but I am not. The thought of him/them returning to hospital in an ICU setting (he will be admitted to the peds ICU) makes me absolutely ill. I know though that it is a routine surgery and there is no reason he won't come through with flying colours and be home the next day. More to come on that when we meet the surgeon.
Out now to enjoy the sunshine and celebrate Papa's birthday with the whole Pasqualotto clan. Cute family photos to no doubt follow.
The boys are doing great in terms of growing. Both gaining a bunch of weight, with Nolan at 14 lbs 8 oz and Asher starting to close the gap at 12 lbs 11 oz. Nolan is in the 75th percentile and Asher is in the 25th for their corrected age of 3 months. Nolan is actually so big that he is registering on the growth curve for 6 month old boys. Way to go fatty!
She removed one of their meds for reflux as we were sure it wasn't doing anything. We were happy with this change and also happy to be giving out medication 2 times less per day.
She looked at Asher closely and did not see any difference in muscle tone between his two sides. Every month he gets older this is even better news. She did note that he has a very defined startle reflex, more so than Nolan and this is something we too have noticed. She wasn't sure if this points to higher muscle tone overall (not necessarily a good thing) but something for us to follow up with in the NICU clinic/IDP just in case.
In slightly worse news, Nolan definitely has an inguinal hernia in his groin and Asher may as well. This means a referral to a surgeon and surgery for at least Nolan, possibly Asher, in hopefully the not too distant future. I would have thought that given what we have been through I would be reasonably calm upon hearing this news but I am not. The thought of him/them returning to hospital in an ICU setting (he will be admitted to the peds ICU) makes me absolutely ill. I know though that it is a routine surgery and there is no reason he won't come through with flying colours and be home the next day. More to come on that when we meet the surgeon.
Out now to enjoy the sunshine and celebrate Papa's birthday with the whole Pasqualotto clan. Cute family photos to no doubt follow.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Cousinly Love
My neice Chloe recently turned 12. For her birthday she asked family and friends for money towards a laptop and decided she would donate half her spoils to charity. I am very proud to report that Chloe has decided to donate $250 to the Victoria NICU on behalf of Asher and Nolan. Way to go Chloe! $250 is a lot of money, not just for a 12 year old! We and other families like ours can't thank you enough. How special is that?!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Where for art thou, kidneys?
Today I had an interesting doctor's appointment. First off, the good news. My repeat bloodwork for hyperthyroidism showed that my thyroid levels were still elevated, but had not increased, and all the other markers she checked for were normal. This means it will probably resolve itself, so in the meantime I have follow up bloodwork in 1 and 4 months from now and keep an eye out for symptoms. Easy peasy.
Then she pulled out a letter she had received regarding "the events of December 2008". These were her exact words. I almost chuckled to myself because I realized that not even my doctor can put our loss into words and I felt a little like she was talking about Harry Potter's Voldemort - "He who shall not be named". Anyway, apparently some quality committee had reviewed my file, a year and a half later, and feels it pertinent that Jordan and I both get abdominal ultrasounds to assure that we are each packing 2 kidneys.
Needle off the record, I sat there stunned.
We are looking into this NOW? I appreciate that they think this follow up is necessary because it would be nice to know if Jordan or I was short a vital organ. When everything happened it was briefly discussed that this may be a possibility, but they told us that if the baby was found to be chromosomally normal (which she was) the assumption would be that Jordan and I were both fine.
So we moved on and accepted the fact that this happened for no reason and was nothing more than a big horrible fluke. Yet now, 18 months later, we are forced to open this all up again? This same healthcare system I praised a few months ago could not have had the foresight to do this testing immediately when we were already in a state of grief, sadness and anger? Surely we are not the only family that has lost a baby that may have been caused by a parental abnormality. So every time this happens does the family get a surprise call years later that it should be investigated further? While I am 99.9% sure Jordan and I have a combined 4 healthy kidneys, we will no doubt expend energy worrying about the slight possibility that we don't. Because really, what if we don't? Obviously we've each made it 30+ years without knowing if that's the case, but still, I don't want to have to contemplate any of this right now.
Yet again, more salt in the wounds. Revisiting sad and bitter feelings I have worked hard to move past is not really high on my list of priorities at the moment. If my dad wasn't reading this, I would be dropping an F-bomb right about now.
Then she pulled out a letter she had received regarding "the events of December 2008". These were her exact words. I almost chuckled to myself because I realized that not even my doctor can put our loss into words and I felt a little like she was talking about Harry Potter's Voldemort - "He who shall not be named". Anyway, apparently some quality committee had reviewed my file, a year and a half later, and feels it pertinent that Jordan and I both get abdominal ultrasounds to assure that we are each packing 2 kidneys.
Needle off the record, I sat there stunned.
We are looking into this NOW? I appreciate that they think this follow up is necessary because it would be nice to know if Jordan or I was short a vital organ. When everything happened it was briefly discussed that this may be a possibility, but they told us that if the baby was found to be chromosomally normal (which she was) the assumption would be that Jordan and I were both fine.
So we moved on and accepted the fact that this happened for no reason and was nothing more than a big horrible fluke. Yet now, 18 months later, we are forced to open this all up again? This same healthcare system I praised a few months ago could not have had the foresight to do this testing immediately when we were already in a state of grief, sadness and anger? Surely we are not the only family that has lost a baby that may have been caused by a parental abnormality. So every time this happens does the family get a surprise call years later that it should be investigated further? While I am 99.9% sure Jordan and I have a combined 4 healthy kidneys, we will no doubt expend energy worrying about the slight possibility that we don't. Because really, what if we don't? Obviously we've each made it 30+ years without knowing if that's the case, but still, I don't want to have to contemplate any of this right now.
Yet again, more salt in the wounds. Revisiting sad and bitter feelings I have worked hard to move past is not really high on my list of priorities at the moment. If my dad wasn't reading this, I would be dropping an F-bomb right about now.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
A successful outing!
Today, in honour of mother's day, the Trousdell Five ventured on our first restaurant adventure. Jordan organized an outing to Merridale Cidery for a lunch buffet. First off...yummmm...food and cider did not disappoint. But secondly, and probably more importantly, all three kids were angels. The boys quietly sat in their carseats for most of the meal. When it was lunch time for them they calmly ate then barfed all over us like normal, then again sat quietly through a photo shoot. Rio was quite the little lady, and politely ate her meal then coloured and played for a long time while we took our time with our meal. Not only did the three of them prove we can take them out in public, but no one complained either direction on the drive to/from Shawnigan. A happy mother's day had by all!
Happy Mother's Day!
While today is a day that is supposed to honour us moms, we also have a lot to be thankful for. Because while it may be the hardest job around, I think those of us that are lucky enough to be called mom have the best job on the planet. I am a very, very lucky woman.
Happy Mothers Day to all the beautiful, strong, wise, brave and brilliant moms I know. Go call your mom or another mom you appreciate, kiss your children, and count your blessings.
Here's just a little bit of my daily inspiration...
Happy Mothers Day to all the beautiful, strong, wise, brave and brilliant moms I know. Go call your mom or another mom you appreciate, kiss your children, and count your blessings.
Here's just a little bit of my daily inspiration...
Betty and me, circa 1975
Friday, May 7, 2010
Diaper Dudes
I have had a request to do a post about our cloth diaper service and thought it might be interesting for those of you that have generously contributed to the big bum cause.
Back in the Rio days, Jordan really wanted to use cloth but I didn't want to do the work associated with scraping, rinsing and washing diapers. Partly because...eww gross...and partly because we lived in a 680 square foot condo so we would have been way too close for comfort with the dirty diapers. Disposables were the only choice that seemed possible at the time, so we did the best we could and bought "brown" diapers. No dyes, no bleach, no yucky chemicals, just plain brown diapers. Still clogging up the landfill, but at least not releasing as much junk into the environment when they're being made. Modeled by Rio below:
Enter the twins. Two babies make a whole lot of diapers. We're talking 100+ per week. At the cost of these brown diapers, that wasn't going to be effective for the wallet. So again we had the cloth discussion. Someone at some point had mentioned a company out of Nanaimo (not around in Rio days) called Happy Island Diapers*. We looked into their service and thought it looked really great so we decided to check them out at the baby fair last fall. We met the owners, saw their diapers, and were hooked. This service was too good not to.
$29/week for one child, and $36/week for twins (including tax and covers). Only a few dollars more a week for the extra kid! How great is that?! Disposables for twins would cost us far more than that. Plus if any of you live in View Royal or have seen our town-mandated garbage can, you would know that throwing away diapers for twins is not possible. Our garbage can is barely bigger than an ice cream pail so we would have had to factor in added garbage pickup costs for going well over our limit each week.
When you sign up for the service (no set term of contract required but a small set up fee), they give you the supplies you need and all the diapers you can possibly use. I'm sure they'd call you on it if you used 500 diapers per week, but using a reasonable amount goes without question. They come into your home and do a demo of the product and make sure all your questions are answered. Every week they drop you off a new bag of diapers (2 in our case) and pick up the stinkies, all left on your doorstep so you don't even need to be home for the transaction.
I realize that washing diapers is not without environmental consequence because of the hydro used. However Happy Island Diapers use high efficiency washers and dryers and environmentally friendly laundry soap. I still haven't figured out how they get the diapers so clean, but I'll leave that as their little secret! They're doing things the best way possible for the environment so that's all we care.
The diapers themselves are probably not what you'd picture. Long are the days of a piece of cloth folded into a triangle and pinned. These diapers are shaped like a disposable and made of bright yellow and orange fleece and they wear a thin cover over top. The fabric wicks the moisture away from the baby's skin to the outside of the diaper, hence why a cover is mandatory.
Here's the best part of the whole thing. There's absolutely no rinsing, scraping, or dealing with the diaper in any matter whatsoever. Take it off and chuck it in the bin AS IS, as if you were chucking a disposable in the garbage. Even better, you even get to throw in your wipes with it. I still can't believe it's this easy.
So all of this added up to being a no brainer for us. The cost was right, the environment was going to appreciate us, the ease factor was unbeatable, so we went for it and we couldn't be happier. We love the diapers, we love the service, and we think the boys couldn't look cuter, as modeled by Nolan below.
*If I happen to have convinced any of you to make the switch, please drop the Trousdell name when signing up as we get free stuff for referrals! Thanks!
Back in the Rio days, Jordan really wanted to use cloth but I didn't want to do the work associated with scraping, rinsing and washing diapers. Partly because...eww gross...and partly because we lived in a 680 square foot condo so we would have been way too close for comfort with the dirty diapers. Disposables were the only choice that seemed possible at the time, so we did the best we could and bought "brown" diapers. No dyes, no bleach, no yucky chemicals, just plain brown diapers. Still clogging up the landfill, but at least not releasing as much junk into the environment when they're being made. Modeled by Rio below:
Enter the twins. Two babies make a whole lot of diapers. We're talking 100+ per week. At the cost of these brown diapers, that wasn't going to be effective for the wallet. So again we had the cloth discussion. Someone at some point had mentioned a company out of Nanaimo (not around in Rio days) called Happy Island Diapers*. We looked into their service and thought it looked really great so we decided to check them out at the baby fair last fall. We met the owners, saw their diapers, and were hooked. This service was too good not to.
$29/week for one child, and $36/week for twins (including tax and covers). Only a few dollars more a week for the extra kid! How great is that?! Disposables for twins would cost us far more than that. Plus if any of you live in View Royal or have seen our town-mandated garbage can, you would know that throwing away diapers for twins is not possible. Our garbage can is barely bigger than an ice cream pail so we would have had to factor in added garbage pickup costs for going well over our limit each week.
When you sign up for the service (no set term of contract required but a small set up fee), they give you the supplies you need and all the diapers you can possibly use. I'm sure they'd call you on it if you used 500 diapers per week, but using a reasonable amount goes without question. They come into your home and do a demo of the product and make sure all your questions are answered. Every week they drop you off a new bag of diapers (2 in our case) and pick up the stinkies, all left on your doorstep so you don't even need to be home for the transaction.
I realize that washing diapers is not without environmental consequence because of the hydro used. However Happy Island Diapers use high efficiency washers and dryers and environmentally friendly laundry soap. I still haven't figured out how they get the diapers so clean, but I'll leave that as their little secret! They're doing things the best way possible for the environment so that's all we care.
The diapers themselves are probably not what you'd picture. Long are the days of a piece of cloth folded into a triangle and pinned. These diapers are shaped like a disposable and made of bright yellow and orange fleece and they wear a thin cover over top. The fabric wicks the moisture away from the baby's skin to the outside of the diaper, hence why a cover is mandatory.
Here's the best part of the whole thing. There's absolutely no rinsing, scraping, or dealing with the diaper in any matter whatsoever. Take it off and chuck it in the bin AS IS, as if you were chucking a disposable in the garbage. Even better, you even get to throw in your wipes with it. I still can't believe it's this easy.
So all of this added up to being a no brainer for us. The cost was right, the environment was going to appreciate us, the ease factor was unbeatable, so we went for it and we couldn't be happier. We love the diapers, we love the service, and we think the boys couldn't look cuter, as modeled by Nolan below.
Diaper without cover
Diaper with cover
Thursday, May 6, 2010
IDP
Today we met our child care worker from the IDP. IDP is the infant development program - a program meant to help at risk or special need children age 0 - 3. Any child with developmental delays can be included in this program by referral, but our boys were automatically referred given their early birth.
The program is pretty great. We are assigned someone who will assess the boys for the next three years. Basically, they come to your house and interact with the kids and determine whether they are meeting their milestones. If they are, great, and the visits become fewer and farther between. If they aren't, then other specialties get involved as needed - occupational therapy, physio therapy, speech therapy, psychology, etc. The visits are always at home so they can tailor any particular therapy to the boys' home environment.
Today's visit was mostly just to get to review the boys' history. She didn't go through a total assessment of them, but did read through the 12 week checklist with us and observe the boys' behaviour. She assured us that from first meeting, they looked great and doing what she would expect for their age. The nice thing about this program, aside from that fact that they offer you endless help and support if it's required, is that their criteria for meeting milestones is very detailed. They have a standard path that children should developmentally be following so they can watch very closely if they are deviating from that path. They are less concerned with the time it takes for them to develop a skill and more concerned with how the skills are developing.
So for instance, when you take your baby to the doctor for its 2 month checkup, the doctor goes through a list: "Is he doing the following?". Yes or no. If no, then you are left with a pretty black and white answer that your child isn't keeping up. But in this case if a child isn't meeting a particular milestone they can trace backwards along the path and make sure they have previously done the things leading up to that skill. A perfect example is that in the coming weeks the boys should be able to follow an object from one side of their visual field to the other. We told her Nolan can do it already, but Asher can only follow an object part way, for instance from the left to somewhere in front of him. She assured us that's great, because prior to following an object completely from one side to the other, a baby learns to follow from one side to midline as they are trying to coordinate their eyes and the motor skill of turning their head. Therefore Asher is right on track even though he hasn't reached that particular milestone yet.
All in all, she left with us feeling incredibly positive about the whole experience, and looking very forward to her next visit in three weeks. At that point she will play with the boys and watch their movements closely to ensure that their muscle tone appears to be normal and they are moving and socializing as we would hope.
The program is pretty great. We are assigned someone who will assess the boys for the next three years. Basically, they come to your house and interact with the kids and determine whether they are meeting their milestones. If they are, great, and the visits become fewer and farther between. If they aren't, then other specialties get involved as needed - occupational therapy, physio therapy, speech therapy, psychology, etc. The visits are always at home so they can tailor any particular therapy to the boys' home environment.
Today's visit was mostly just to get to review the boys' history. She didn't go through a total assessment of them, but did read through the 12 week checklist with us and observe the boys' behaviour. She assured us that from first meeting, they looked great and doing what she would expect for their age. The nice thing about this program, aside from that fact that they offer you endless help and support if it's required, is that their criteria for meeting milestones is very detailed. They have a standard path that children should developmentally be following so they can watch very closely if they are deviating from that path. They are less concerned with the time it takes for them to develop a skill and more concerned with how the skills are developing.
So for instance, when you take your baby to the doctor for its 2 month checkup, the doctor goes through a list: "Is he doing the following?". Yes or no. If no, then you are left with a pretty black and white answer that your child isn't keeping up. But in this case if a child isn't meeting a particular milestone they can trace backwards along the path and make sure they have previously done the things leading up to that skill. A perfect example is that in the coming weeks the boys should be able to follow an object from one side of their visual field to the other. We told her Nolan can do it already, but Asher can only follow an object part way, for instance from the left to somewhere in front of him. She assured us that's great, because prior to following an object completely from one side to the other, a baby learns to follow from one side to midline as they are trying to coordinate their eyes and the motor skill of turning their head. Therefore Asher is right on track even though he hasn't reached that particular milestone yet.
All in all, she left with us feeling incredibly positive about the whole experience, and looking very forward to her next visit in three weeks. At that point she will play with the boys and watch their movements closely to ensure that their muscle tone appears to be normal and they are moving and socializing as we would hope.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
What a difference a year makes
A year ago today was my due date from my last pregnancy. That was a sad day, but at the same time a liberating day. I told myself that was my last day of being allowed to feel sorry for myself. Yes, what we went through was crap but other people go through worse. When that day came and went it was as if a weight had been lifted and I could move on.
Who knew what the future would bring. No one would have anticipated that less than 6 months later I would be having two babies about to start a fight for their lives. I never would have anticipated that I would have had the strength to deal with what the boys were going through, yet somehow I did, and I credit our loss as practice for the different sort of grieving process that lay ahead.
As I type this post it is with complete astonishment that it was only this morning that I remembered the significance of May 4. For days I have been wondering what today meant, assuring myself I must just be confusing it with the birthdays of several family members within this week. And then this morning it hit me. If things were different, we would have a one year old daughter. I am very sad and reflective, thinking of what she would have been, but more so to think that without losing her, we would not have the boys.
It reminds me of one day last year, not long after the due date passed and I was telling a friend I was pregnant again. I was saying how I was excited to be having another baby (not knowing at the time it was 2) but still so sad, thinking about what "should" have been with the last pregnancy. It was at that point that she stopped me and said "Did you ever think that maybe THIS pregnancy is what should have been?.
So yes boys, you really are what should have been. You were my destiny. I firmly believe that everything that has happened in this life has taken me to where I am today, mother to three amazingly strong kids. I can't say that the birth of the boys or anything else has made me get over our loss; I never will. But as I look at the little miracles that are our sons, I can't imagine if things were different and they weren't here with us, exactly as they were meant to be. I also take a lot of comfort believing that the five of us have a very special guardian angel who has helped us get through some tough times.
What a difference a year makes to put your life into perspective...
Who knew what the future would bring. No one would have anticipated that less than 6 months later I would be having two babies about to start a fight for their lives. I never would have anticipated that I would have had the strength to deal with what the boys were going through, yet somehow I did, and I credit our loss as practice for the different sort of grieving process that lay ahead.
As I type this post it is with complete astonishment that it was only this morning that I remembered the significance of May 4. For days I have been wondering what today meant, assuring myself I must just be confusing it with the birthdays of several family members within this week. And then this morning it hit me. If things were different, we would have a one year old daughter. I am very sad and reflective, thinking of what she would have been, but more so to think that without losing her, we would not have the boys.
It reminds me of one day last year, not long after the due date passed and I was telling a friend I was pregnant again. I was saying how I was excited to be having another baby (not knowing at the time it was 2) but still so sad, thinking about what "should" have been with the last pregnancy. It was at that point that she stopped me and said "Did you ever think that maybe THIS pregnancy is what should have been?.
So yes boys, you really are what should have been. You were my destiny. I firmly believe that everything that has happened in this life has taken me to where I am today, mother to three amazingly strong kids. I can't say that the birth of the boys or anything else has made me get over our loss; I never will. But as I look at the little miracles that are our sons, I can't imagine if things were different and they weren't here with us, exactly as they were meant to be. I also take a lot of comfort believing that the five of us have a very special guardian angel who has helped us get through some tough times.
What a difference a year makes to put your life into perspective...
Monday, May 3, 2010
Milky Thyroid
Last week at the boys' routine check-up I got a prescription for Domperidone. Domperidone is normally used as a promotility agent for digestive matters, but as a side effect it increases lactation. Tracey, the self proclaimed cow, is not making enough milk. What the heck is up with that?! Anyone who knows me well knows that I used to be able to produce enough milk for a small village, but slowly over time the well has been running dry. Thankfully I have freezer stores but they are quickly dwindling, so I knew I had to be proactive about it. I tried herbal remedies and they weren't working. I tried increasing my food and water intake and that wasn't helping either. So I sucked it up and got the prescription. I know no part of me should feel like a failure because I am just getting a little help, but still, knowing how much milk I made for Rio, and formerly for the boys, I can't help but feel disappointed I'm not doing it completely on my own.
Anyway as I am discussing all this with my doctor she says we should do some blood tests just to make sure everything is ok. I assure her I'm fine. Sure, losing endless weight and exhausted, but I'm breastfeeding and have three kids so neither of those is out of the realm of normal. So I go get my blood work done last week and think nothing of it.
Until today. When you see your doctor come up on call display and you don't have an appointment booked, that can never be good. Apparently, I needed a follow up to discuss my labs. I immediately went blurry and didn't really hear her and all I could think was cancer. Yes, admittedly I am a hypochondriac. But when your mom died of cancer you get a little paranoid. So I booked my appointment for next week, feeling slightly reassured by the fact it was not urgent. At the last second thought to ask her to get the doctor to phone me so I could alleviate the stress of waiting. I sat around all day thinking cancer even though two of the nurses closest to me assured me that a standard blood screen would not be showing cancer and it was likely just anemia. Cancer, seriously Tracey? You've lost your marbles.
So earlier this evening I heard from my doctor. Apparently I have elevated thyroid levels. I don't really know what that means to me, other than it is probably not "normal" that I am exhausted and lacking milk, it is likely caused by this - Post Partum Thyroiditis. My doctor and I quickly discussed the symptoms, thankfully very few of which I have. The one that rang loudest was goiter. GOITER. Are you kidding me?! Am I going to be my own Seinfeld episode if this persists?!
Well at least I'm making jokes. Next step is to go for more tests this week and see what else, if anything is out of whack, and confirm the diagnosis. Then I see her next week to discuss the results and see where we go from here. Hopefully nowhere and this goes away on its own.
Moms out there - anyone had this? Probably not. Only 5% of us get it, why wouldn't it be me?! Remember how we Trousdells like to defy the odds! DAMNIT!
Anyway as I am discussing all this with my doctor she says we should do some blood tests just to make sure everything is ok. I assure her I'm fine. Sure, losing endless weight and exhausted, but I'm breastfeeding and have three kids so neither of those is out of the realm of normal. So I go get my blood work done last week and think nothing of it.
Until today. When you see your doctor come up on call display and you don't have an appointment booked, that can never be good. Apparently, I needed a follow up to discuss my labs. I immediately went blurry and didn't really hear her and all I could think was cancer. Yes, admittedly I am a hypochondriac. But when your mom died of cancer you get a little paranoid. So I booked my appointment for next week, feeling slightly reassured by the fact it was not urgent. At the last second thought to ask her to get the doctor to phone me so I could alleviate the stress of waiting. I sat around all day thinking cancer even though two of the nurses closest to me assured me that a standard blood screen would not be showing cancer and it was likely just anemia. Cancer, seriously Tracey? You've lost your marbles.
So earlier this evening I heard from my doctor. Apparently I have elevated thyroid levels. I don't really know what that means to me, other than it is probably not "normal" that I am exhausted and lacking milk, it is likely caused by this - Post Partum Thyroiditis. My doctor and I quickly discussed the symptoms, thankfully very few of which I have. The one that rang loudest was goiter. GOITER. Are you kidding me?! Am I going to be my own Seinfeld episode if this persists?!
Well at least I'm making jokes. Next step is to go for more tests this week and see what else, if anything is out of whack, and confirm the diagnosis. Then I see her next week to discuss the results and see where we go from here. Hopefully nowhere and this goes away on its own.
Moms out there - anyone had this? Probably not. Only 5% of us get it, why wouldn't it be me?! Remember how we Trousdells like to defy the odds! DAMNIT!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Happy 6 Months!
The boys are 6 months old today! I can't believe how quickly half a year (and half a mat leave) has passed. Here's hoping the second half of this year is healthier and less stressful than the first half! Happy half a year my little lovies!
We took a monthly photo of Rio so now that the boys are home we are going to do the same with them. Although the boys are 6 months chronologically, they are only 3 months corrected, so I have included Rio's three month photo for comparison.
We took a monthly photo of Rio so now that the boys are home we are going to do the same with them. Although the boys are 6 months chronologically, they are only 3 months corrected, so I have included Rio's three month photo for comparison.
Rio - 3 months; 13.5 pounds
Asher - 6 months/3 months corrected; almost 12 pounds
Nolan - 6 months/3 months corrected; almost 14 pounds
As far as their size, you can see they are very close to Rio at 3 months. If we look at the growth curve for 3 month old boys, Asher is in the 25th percentile and Nolan is in the 50th. But if we look at the growth curve for micro premies at 3 months corrected, Asher is in the 50th percentile and Nolan is in the 95th. So they are doing great!
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