The Scars to Prove It

Just when I think I've nearly forgotten the boys' time in the NICU there are subtle reminders of their past. The other day Jordan asked me if I had noticed how many IV scars the boys had on their hands. Being that I am pretty much the least observant person I know, of course I hadn't, so he pointed them out to me. Sure enough, there they are. Tiny little white spots of scar tissues representing their IV pokes. They had endless IVs, not to mention the numerous attempts that were surely made to get those IVs in. They are by no means awful looking, but now that I have noticed them I find myself constantly running my fingers over them. I'm sure that in a year or two when the boys' hands get slightly more weathered the scars will be gone.  But for now they're here, giving their otherwise perfect hands just that bit more character. Just another badge of honour for them to wear.

Dueling Eaters

To say that the boys have taken to eating rice cereal is a bit of an understatement. They LOVE their rice cereal and can't get it in them fast enough. If you so much as miss a beat, Asher screeeeams at you and then continues to scream at you when he realizes his meal is done. Within days they were at the maximum amount of rice cereal they are supposed to eat per day (for their age) so now what? We were trying to hold off until our apple trees are ready but that's at least a month off and I don't think the little piggies can wait! They're going to be eating us out of house and home in no time!

Sunday, Lovely Sunday

Today we had a great family day accompanied by the Kostys. If you remember Steph, she wrote a guest blog for me a while back. Steph and Jordan go waaaay back but we haven't seen her in years. Steph and I have been email friends through the ups and downs of the past couple months, and while I was confident that when we finally met up in person we would be fast friends, I never realized how alike we are and what a great fit our two families are. The parents (well particularly the moms) talked our faces off about all things baby related, then enjoyed a gourmet lunch by Jordan as only two breastfeeding mothers could. Their beautiful Amelia is 10 days chronologically older than the boys, but developmentally 3 months ahead so it was amazing to see where we're headed in a few months. You can check out Steph's eloquent depiction of our day along with a few photos here.

In some incredible generosity, they also showed up with some presents for the kids - some beautiful blankets for the boys and a dress for Rio, all hand made by Steph's mom at Botanical Bebe. Check out her stuff, it is amazing. I have to share what Steph told me about the kids' wares because it is very touching:

"I really wanted something to incorporate the boys' journey and so I told her about the upper and blower names you used early on and we thought snails were perfect because while they may be a little slower they always get where they need to be in their own time. So after talking about that she designed the upper and lower snails! She's amazing like that - making a vision real. Then we had to do something for Miss Rio of course and we decided on the bird pocket. She started reading your blog to get an idea of size for Rio and has fallen in love with your kids."


We are so touched by how special these gifts are and we are so happy to have these "new" friends in our lives. Check out the gorgeous models with their new stuff:

I rounded out my Sunday with a solo Costco run....funnnnnnnn...then some infant massage, an uneventful bedtime for three tired kids and now movie watching with brownies. What a perfect day!

Lookalike Tips

I have been hearing a lot of comments that the boys are getting harder and harder to tell apart. Even those of you who are very confident are getting it wrong these days. So here are some tips:

Nolan 

• Bigger all over
• Longer head/face, that while chubbier than Asher's is also strangely thinner other than the jowls
• Much more serious (think blue steel)
• Very light pink birth mark between the eyebrows

Asher

• Small, petite even, compared to the bruiser
• Shorter, more square face. All-over filled in face as opposed to just big fat cheeks
• Much more animated. "Googly eyes" that are often open wide and looking surprised
• "Fat tummy". Not that you can see this in pictures but that's how Rio refers to Asher because of his umbilical hernia (which is vastly improving thank goodness!)

Now I have to admit that while all these things above are definitely true, I just went and looked through some of the more recent blog pics and realize that most of the things I have told you aren't obvious in photos. Really, if dad can't keep them straight in real life, how are you supposed to in pictures?

Happy guessing! And Happy Friday! Nice weather in Victoria at last!

Another successful IDP visit

We had our IDP (Infant Development Program) worker over today to do an assessment of the boys at 18 weeks corrected, and once again she left us feeling very positive. After careful observation she never saw Asher either favouring his right side, or looking only right so that made me feel MUCH better. As she said, the PT (physiotherapist) at the NICU could very well have been right in noticing something, but if it is that hard to see then it is clearly a very small deficiency at this point that only appears on occasion. Great news!

Best Sounds Ever!!

We finally caught the boys laughing on camera. Literally music to my ears. Asher's is so incredibly cute it almost sounds fake! Make sure you've got the sound on, you'll want to listen to these on repeat!

Nolan:

Asher:

Eating and Sleeping Update

Things are pretty good around here with the eating and sleeping. We're not sure if it's caused by the addition of cereal, the full bottle of formula at night, or the combination of both, but the boys are now sleeping  9-10 hours at night.

The day we started feeding them cereal we coincidentally also decided to give them a full formula feed before bed in hopes it would make them feel more full. Not only did it make them sleep longer, but also made them drop a bottle feed. So we are now down to 5 bottle feeds from 6, but of course uptight mom doesn't want them losing any calories and slowing down on weight gain, so I am trying to make those 5 bottles slightly bigger to make up some of the difference. Whatever we're doing it's working. The boys go to bed around 9 and are not up until at least 6:30.

Dropping a feed and adding formula has meant that I once again have too much milk! Yesterday I froze my first bag of milk in months, but I am going to continue with the domperidone as you never know what may happen with my supply in the future and at this point we have no plans of giving more than one bottle of formula per day.

Cereal eating is much improved as well. Each day has gotten better and it seems to just take a few spoonfuls before the boys figure out what to do. Once their brain clicks in and they realize they need to move it back and swallow instead of letting it all drip out they love to eat and are both grabbing at the spoon trying to shove it in just like Rio did.

Rested kids (all three, as the seven-zero-zero sleep in method is also working for Rio) and parents who are sleeping for 7+ hours STRAIGHT. Wowsa, time to knock on wood.

Explosion!

There has been an explosion of baby gear in our house!

When Rio was a baby we lived in a 600 square foot condo (2 bedroom, go figure!) yet baby gear was always safely hidden away. Exersaucer put under her crib, activity mat tucked under the couch, booster seat tucked into the table, toys neatly kept in secret baskets. Our place was so small we didn't want to be tripping over her things wherever we went.

Mom Time

My mat leave with Rio was very different than this time with the boys. For obvious reasons, I brought home a healthy, full term baby and was able to spend the whole year hanging out with her instead of spending the first five months in hospital. But also for less obvious reasons, like the fact that having a mat leave with one baby is A LOT different than having one with two babies and a preschooler.

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

Happy Father's Day to the best dad I could possibly ask to co-parent with. He laughs, he teaches, and he enriches his childrens' lives every day.

We've had a great day so far. First to Ferris' for brunch and they did not disappoint. Next was to the Bug Zoo, the day's activity chosen by Rio. Last stop to the record store to buy some much awaited new music (Band of Horses and The National if you care what we're listening to these days. And yes! We still like to physically hold our music in our hands before we promptly import to itunes and never look at the cd again. Twisted I know). Now we're home and kids are in various stages of napping, eating and playing, and Jordan is out working in the yard.

Happy Father's Day Jord, you rock!  Also a big shout out to the other dads in our lives, especially Papa, Grampa G and Great Grandad!

That wasn't even the BIG one!

Solids - first try

We tried the boys on rice cereal last night and it wasn't exactly a hit. Miss Rio was 6 months old so she was all over the spoon and directing it into her mouth as soon as she got a taste. The boys, being only 4.5 months corrected, are not only too un-coordinated enough to do that, but they actually didn't really tolerate any of it. Asher blew raspberries with every bite and Nolan just kind of let it drip slowly out of his mouth. They looked awfully cute doing it though! We'll try a tiny bit each day and surely they'll like it soon enough.

Rio's first feed - November 2006

Happy Anniversary!

Jordan and I are celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary today! Those of you that were there can attest to the fact that it was one damn fine, amazing weekend shared with lots of friends, family and sunshine.

Without the strength of our relationship we would have had a lot harder time making it through this past year and a half, so for that I am incredibly thankful. Through everything, we have been good to each other and in turn that makes us not only a better couple, but better parents.

Happy Anniversary Jord, I am one lucky lady!

Oh and in their own special anniversary gift, the boys have been sleeping for 8.5 hours with no signs yet of waking!

June 19, 2004

Way old days!

Farewell Clipboard

Those of you who know me well know I may be just a little bit anal. Ok shut up Jordan, a lot anal. Since the moment the boys came home, I have been chained to a clipboard to keep track of things. At first it included feeds, diaper changes and meds. Soon I realized that tracking every diaper change was a bit ridiculous as they had proven for 5 months in hospital that their bowels and kidneys were just fine. I couldn't however, get rid of marking down each feed, plus using their medication schedule to help remember to give which meds when.

Well things have slowed down around here in a good way and I suddenly realized maybe I don't need to keep my spreadsheets anymore. They eat at pretty much the same times every day, so really who cares if they eat 10 or 20 millilitres less in a feed, they are still gaining weight very well. And as for their meds, they have cut back from 4 to 3, soon to be 2, so that is a lot easier to keep track of.

So today it was time to make a clean break. Losing that clip board feels like losing an appendage, although it is one step even closer to treating these guys like regular, healthy babies. Now I just need to think of some other sorts of lists to keep. I'm sure that won't be a difficult task ;)

Seven Zero Zero

As I explained in my detailed depiction of our day, Rio has been waking sometime before 6:30 am and getting in to bed with us until Sesame Street starts at 7:00, or "Seven Zero Zero" in Rio speak. She has also become obsessed with our digital alarm clock and so lays there with us giving by the minute time updates. "Mommy, it's 6-3-5...6-3-7...6-4-0..." and so on till the blessed 7am arrives.

Jordan and I have been talking for a while about getting her a clock in her room, but of course dad, thinking Rio is brilliant, wanted to get her a real clock and teach her how to tell time. I quickly put the kibosh on that (seriously, she JUST turned 4, let's lay off a bit) but definitely thought it was a good idea to get her a digital clock. She wanted a "kids clock" so we went hunting. Our shopping trip quickly went south when we could only find plain old alarm clocks, but thankfully I did some quick thinking and we picked out the simplest clock we could find that we then covered in stickers of her choice (Littlest Pet Shop) - magically turning it into a kids clock.

First night we set it up and she was thrilled. She woke up the next morning, somehow managing to sleep past 7 for the first time in weeks, and started yelling for Jordan. When he went in she said her clock was broken because it said "Seven One One" so she didn't know when she could come out. Ha! We quickly explained that as long as the clock starts with 7, she's good to go.

This morning was second morning and sure enough I heard her singing by 6:30 but we never saw her till 7. Hallelujah! That extra 30 minutes in the morning makes a world of difference!

Pediatrician Visit - 4.5 months corrected

We saw our pediatrician today for our rescheduled appointment and all is well! Boys have each gained half a pound in the 6 days since we were at the NICU clinic and she is happy with both of their progress. She gave us the go ahead to start rice cereal so we are very excited to move on to that next step, yet I am kind of dreading adding something else to the already busy day! In addition, she was second guessing her diagnosis of a hernia in Nolan, so fingers crossed, when we see the surgeon next month he will tell us neither boy has one!

First food (big boys in the high chair!) will probably be tomorrow, so pictures will be sure to follow!

Identity Theft

Tonight at feed time Jordan told me he was going to start feeding Asher first, so a few minutes later I went to pick up Nolan to feed him. Except it wasn't Nolan, it was Asher. Jordan was feeding who he thought was Asher, but really it wasn't. Asher's bottle, Asher's volume of feed, but unfortunately, Nolan.

And so it begins...

I've got nothing

I thought I'd have a great post today about how the boys went to their pediatrician and had grown yet again, with some cute pictures to accompany (because they're always dressed in their finest for appointments). But, our pediatrician is sick today so our appointment will be rescheduled.

So today is a plain old boring day. Boys are still in their jammies, so I've got nothing, not even pictures.

Sometimes though, the boring days are the best ones.

My Little Secret

Over the past several months, many people have told me how strong I am. It gets a bit embarrassing to have heard "I could never have gone through what you've been through" dozens of times. Because yes, you could get through it. I would have said the same thing about another parent in my shoes before this all happened, yet somehow here I am. I didn't choose this fate but it's mine so of course I'll get by, hopefully with a bit of dignity while I'm at it.

But I just wanted to let you in on a little secret - I'm not strong a lot of the time. I may put on a brave face, but most of you don't see the Tracey who cried her eyes out because Asher's NICU assessment was great considering what he's been through. I wanted to him to be doing great, full stop. No qualifying it with "considering he had a massive brain injury at birth". Sure the boys are doing amazingly well, but there is a part of me whose heart breaks every time I think they may not get through this whole ordeal unscathed. Try as I might, I'm still not quite ok accepting what might come to be. I can't stop hoping for a complete and total miracle, right? Envisioning the boys growing up in a cruel world where they may be made fun of for their disabilities shatters any strength I have.

But...luckily most of the time the tears go as quickly as they came. Not because I stop being worried and sad and maybe a bit bitter, but because I have three little people who depend on me to be their rock. Think back to your own mom. Did you ever see her as anything but the perfect vision of strength you needed her to be? No, probably not very often. I rarely saw my mom in anything but top form, even battling cancer. Because that's our job, to be there for our kids and put on a brave face and let them know that everything is going to be alright, even if we think it might not be.

So there you go - THAT is why I am "strong". Just like you would be. My secret is out.

Junior Golfers

Since daddy is in a golf tournament today, I thought I would dress the boys as little golfers themselves. Too cute!

NICU Follow Up - 4 Months Corrected Age

Today we had our first appointment with the neonatal follow up clinic. A neonatologist, nurse and physical therapist assess the boys at 4, 8, 18 months, 3 and 4.5 years corrected age. Their findings obviously benefit us, but also contribute to research, allowing the NICU to continue to improve their already excellent care. They share all their findings with us, our IDP worker and our doctors so everyone is in the know and has the best handle on giving the boys any extra help they may need. Today served to set a baseline so that they can monitor their progress as they get older. Each of the boys had their own results so I will explain each separately.

Foot cream on the forehead

This evening I left the three kids in our room for a few minutes while I cleaned up bottles in the kitchen (Jordan was out). To the best of my knowledge the boys were asleep and Rio was zoned out watching Treehouse. When I came back in the room all I could smell was peppermint, and soon realized it was my peppermint foot lotion. I asked Rio where she had put it and she gave me her standard shoulder shrug with a guilty look on her face. I started naming body parts (hers) and she kept saying no and then finally said "NOT ME mommy" and pointed to Asher. Ummm ok Rio, where exactly did you put peppermint foot lotion on Asher? His forehead! Turns out that he had stirred a little bit and she thought a little cream and rub on the forehead might make him go back to sleep. As she reasons it, cream and a foot rub sometimes makes her sleepy so cream and a forehead rub might make him sleepy!

Such sweet intentions, but thank goodness it was something safe!

Little Gilligans

Not much new today - just had to post this pic of the boys before we went for a walk the other day because I think it's kind of hilarious.

Food Envy

Today Jordan and I were sitting feeding the boys and Rio came in the room eating a fruit bar. Both boys stopped immediately and stared at her while she took every single bite. I swear neither of them even blinked. They continued to stare in amazement until she was done, and only when she left the room to throw the wrapper in the garbage did they start eating again. Time to expand the menu from milk I think!

Cough

You take the strangest things for granted. Today Nolan choked and sputtered on his bottle and then started to cough repeatedly. I stared at him in amazement thinking "wow, you know how to cough, good boy". That's a far cry from not knowing how to breathe, much less clear his throat. Oh the distance we have come.

A Day in the Life

People often ask me "how are you managing?" with such surprise that I am actually hanging on and keeping my head above water. Many days I barely am, but on those days that things are going well, like today, it is purely due to a lot of organization and foresight. Of course not all days run this smoothly nor stick to this schedule, but this is what a fairly typical day looks like:

Under the Apple Tree

One of our favourite spots once the nice weather hits is under our apple trees. Rio always loved it as a toddler and she would pick an apple up off the ground and sit still carefully eating it until all that was left was the stem. Today after the market Rio went off for nap and Jordan and I did some pruning (he worked, I gave orders!), so I brought the boys out to hang out and get a little vitamin D while we worked.

Lounging in the sun

And we're spent

Market Day

Today we took the kids to the Moss Street Market, a local summer market where growers sell their produce, artists sell their crafts, and yummy food is tempting you at every turn. It was a good place to take them so we could enjoy some sunshine, but in their "around town" stroller the boys are safely tucked away under two covers so no one has a chance to breathe on them, much less look at them. We promised Rio a face painting and then got there and realized we had no change. Luckily we started talking to a woman in line who put two and two together and realized we had previously met through a friend in common and she had heard all about the boys. She graciously offered to pay for Rio's painting, so the result was this unicorn:

A good day had by all. Now we have a sleepy Rio and two boys getting hungry.

A A

Adorable Asher.

It's not just me right? This kid is to die for. Just resting up after rolling over three times in a row! We tried to capture it on video but of course he stopped performing as soon as the camera came out.

The F Word

FORMULA.

We've finally tried it - a whopping ounce each - and so far so good for two days running. I had it so built up in my head that their poor tummies wouldn't tolerate it that I was really dreading trying but it hasn't seemed to bother them. We'll increase it by an ounce every two days until they can handle a full bottle (5-6 ounces). The well of supplemental frozen breast milk will finally run dry in about two weeks so it will be timed perfectly. When that happens we are aiming to feed them breast milk all day and then a bottle of formula before bed, hopefully getting them to wake up a bit later in the morning (currently 5am). Worst case scenario, we now know they can handle it in small amounts so we could just supplement each bottle with an ounce and be good to go. Next step - solids!

Me me me me!

I saw another blogger post a bit of a bio of themselves so I thought I'd do the same since not everyone knows me that well and you might want to know more about who you're reading. Or maybe you don't care, but too bad. MY blog, remember?!

Full Name: Tracey Lyn Trousdell
Birthday: September 18, 1975, 4:26 pm
Place of Birth/Childhood: Trail BC
Siblings: 1 brother, 2 sisters
Place in family: The baby. By a long, long, longshot. I prefer the term blessing rather than mistake.
University Degree: University of Victoria (UVic) - Bachelor of Arts in Linguistics and Psychology (truthfully, a major and a minor - 2 credits short of a double major); UVic - Certificate in Application and Management of Information Technology
Profession (when not on mat leave): Project Manager
Married Since: 2004
Current Residence: A 1951 Bungalow, full of character, fantastic party deck
Previous Residences: 11 - Columbia, Laval, Bayliss, Simcoe, Acland, McKenzie, Empire, Cadboro Bay (one day until we discovered fleas), Montford, Wellington, Wale
Hair Colour/Eye Colour/Weight - You can guess from pictures
Height: 5'6"
First Pet: Tinker(bell) - Poodle
Current Pet: Kevin - Siamese Cat
Currently Driving: Kia Sedona Minivan (what else fits 3 carseats?!)
First plane ride: Disneyland, 1979
Favourite Colour: Blue
Favourite Author: Rohinton Mistry
Favourite Band: The Constantines
Band Most Listened To Recently: Band of Horses
Favourite City: Buenos Aires
Favourite Sports Team: Vancouver Canucks
Favourite Food: Pretty much all. I heart food. People that only eat to survive really bug me.
Favourite Drink: Wine
Most Embarrassing Moment: Falling into a hot tub fully clothed. Not drunk.
On My iPod You Can Find: Lots of indie music and my calendar that I can't live without
The Best Thing About Where I Live: You're never more than minutes from the ocean
The Worst Thing About Where I Live: The lack of 4 distinct seasons. I have been removed from "real" weather for 15 years yet still miss cold winters and hot summers
Countries Travelled: Canada, US, Mexico, Peru, Bolivia, Argentina, Chile, Uruguay, England, Ireland, The Netherlands, France, Monaco, Czech Republic, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Greece
Dream Vacation: Round the world trip when the kids are old enough to learn more from the school of life than from school. (Also old enough to carry their own backpacks)
Biggest Regret: None. I've done some stupid stuff but everything you do makes you who you are.
Weirdest Thing Someone Has Told Me About Me: A woman in Denver, CO, told me that I have the strongest Canadian accent she has ever heard. So not true! Consider the source though, when in the same conversation she was somewhat surprised to know that Canadians too wear wedding rings on our left hands. You know, different CULTURES do things differently so she wasn't sure. Wowsa.
Languages Spoken: English. Don't be fooled by the officially bilingual country, Linguistics degree, or fluent Italian speaking dad. French studies from k-12 are left far behind, and all that's left of reasonably good conversational Spanish is "La cuenta por favor". No seriously, I could probably get by with some reeeeeally basic Spanish if need be. Oh and I can count to 10 in Italian and German. That counts right?
Something I hope to pass on to my kids: My metabolism
Something I hope not to pass on to my kids: My allergies and my lack of athletic prowess
Some random little known facts: I have never lived without a roomate; I can tap dance; I failed math 12; I am afraid of most birds, no matter how small, particularly when brought in by a cat; despite spilling my guts on this blog, I am terribly shy around people I don't know and because of it probably come off as quite a snob in social settings.

I think that's me in a nutshell. Any questions?

Snuggles

Looking at them like this never gets old. They start off on opposite ends of that U-shaped pillow but within minutes end up like that.

Who's who? Not so obvious anymore.

Happy 2 Months to us!

Two months discharged from the hospital that is. It's very fitting that one of our favourite nurses came to visit today and the boys were able to show off their chub and their smiles.

Yesterday Jordan and I were remarking that these past two months have felt like forever (in a good way) - much longer than the five dreaded months in the NICU. That is a pretty good testament to the human spirit don't you think? The five worst months of our lives are washed right away by the two happiest. Life is bliss for this family. So much better than we could have hoped or imagined two, or especially seven, months ago.

Nolan laughs!

I was starting to think things weren't very funny around here. Asher has not laughed since I first wrote about it, and Nolan hadn't laughed yet. They both get excited, they both smile like crazy, but no laughs until today when Nolan broke the silence.

Rio started to tell me something about Little Bear. She said "On Little Bear..." and Nolan laughed. So we looked at each other and started to laugh ourselves. She again said "On Little Bear..."and laughed, and Nolan went at it again. Over and over. She was convinced he liked the sound of "On Little Bear" but I was sure he liked our laughing. Whatever it was, it was straight from the gut and sounded adorable.

Now can you both start doing it more often? Clearly I'm not funny enough, but Rio is! And how about rolling over?!

7 Months!

Happy 7 months my beautiful boys! June 1 is also one year to the day that I found out I was pregnant. Boy have we come a looooooong way in the past year!

Another photo compare to big sis at their corrected age (4 months).

Rio - 4 months

Asher - 7 months/4 months corrected

Nolan -  7 months/4 months corrected