Penderific!

As I mentioned in my last post, we successfully made it to Pender Island - no baby sickness getting in the way! We had a great weekend. Way way way way way way way way too much eating by yours truly. A bit too much drinking (mostly by the dads), and as always, a whole lot of laughs. The two big kids (aged 4.5) got along marvelously (I wish I could say "as always" but we went through a couple of fighting years when they were 3ish. They are now back to BFFs - phew!) and the three little ones (1 yr) kept the eye poking to a minimum. Five lovely kids we have between us!

On the Mend

Thanks to everyone who sent Asher their good vibes for a speedy recovery! Well it hasn't exactly been speedy, but he's on the mend. The cold (flu?) is still lingering in both of them, but he has his appetite back for the most part and is able to sleep without waking in a panic because his nose is so stuffed.

On Thursday night we decided he wasn't getting any worse so we took our chances and got on an early ferry Friday morning. It turned out to be a great decision because the weekend was completely uneventful sickness-wise and if anything Asher started to feel a bit better while we were there.

A full report of our trip to Pender when I can find Jordan's camera...

Opthalmologist Checkup

Yesterday the boys were off to see their pediatric opthalmologist for a checkup. They haven't been to see Dr. Pegado for 6 months, but prior to that he was seeing them every week or so in the NICU. He got to know our boys' eyes very well, looking for Retinopathy of Prematurity. Last time we saw him, when the boys were 6 months old, he had no growing concerns so this appointment was just a follow up.

Healthy Vibes Please

As I mentioned a few days ago, the boys have been fighting colds for what seems like forever. Last night, Asher's took a turn for the worst and it has now moved into his lungs. So far, he is managing to cough it all out, but we are watching closely for laboured breathing.

I am stressed. We were really hoping it would stay in the sinuses and not go to the dreaded compromised lungs. Suffice it to say, the little guy is a mess and last night coughed himself to projectile vomit. He isn't eating or sleeping well and when he is awake he is pretty much crying and whining all the time.

The unfortunate part of this sickness is that for months we have had a trip planned to Pender Island to visit friends. We are leary to go if it doesn't clear up in his chest, because breathing difficulties could come on quickly and then we would need to be airlifted off the island - not ideal. All five of us (ok all three of us) have been looking incredibly forward to this trip, as are our friends and their parents who we are going to stay with. If we need to cancel the weekend, we will all be thoroughly sad and disappointed. We are really in need of this relaxing family time (as we consider them family too!).

So please, please send Asher (and Nolan, because maybe he's in for the coughing as well) your get well soon vibes. For the obvious reason that a progressing cough means nothing but bad things to these two, but also for the not so obvious reason that we desperately want our plans to remain in tact...fingers crossed we're all well (or well enough) to take off on Friday.

Momoirs Part 6 - The Dinner Table

I am sad to say this is my last short assignment for my writing class. I have one more long essay to post for you, but I will do that when my classmates have all had a chance to comment and I finalize any changes that come from their suggestions.

I have learned so much from this class and enjoyed myself immensely. So much so, that I am registered in the advanced class in the new year - focussed on publishing. I can't wait.

I have used these sparks to write about so many of the major events, or themes, in my life as a mother: The twins in the NICU, my birth experience with Rio, our loss (which I did not share on this blog), finding out about twins, gratitude for my hectic life, and finally this one - about the differences in parenting between my own mother and myself.

I didn't intend it to work out that way, but I am so thrilled that all of these sparks have represented all my feelings so well. The long essay includes another large piece of the puzzle, but you will see that yourself when you read it.

Alas, enough rambling - here you go: The Dinner Table.

An Empty Day

Today is an exciting day. No, in fact, it is the opposite of exciting - it is boring.

Today there is NOTHING on the calendar. Not a single thing. Jordan is not working, Rio has no activities, and the boys have no appointments. I can't believe how unscheduled we are and I LOVE it!

I looked back through the calendar and it has been months. I look forward through the calendar and it will be months again.

So today will be our nothing day and the five of us will just be. It's very well timed considering how unwell the boys are feeling, so there will be lots of snuggles and not a lot else. Maybe even a pajama day!

Sick Sucks

Well the boys have their second colds of the season and these ones have hit them hard. Asher has had a fever for more than a day and he is absolutely miserable. Let me repeat: MISERABLE. To top it off, he is still cutting pesky teeth (and no, the symptoms aren't just related to the teething) so the guy is a big pile of hurt. Today he was screaming so frantically in the van we had to pull over because I had never heard him cry like that and was really worried. Turns out all he needed were some snuggles.

Nolan is doing ok. Very stuffed up and not himself, but at least no fever and sleeping ok (so far).

So far, no reason to panic for either of them that it's RSV as their coughing seems to be pretty under control. Phew - let's hope it stays that way.

Poor little bubs, they're breaking my heart, not to mention the fact that they're inconsolable at times and we are at a loss for how to make them feel better. Seriously, I will admit, these two have NEVER been inconsolable in the 7 months they have been home! They never cry, much less for extended periods. Last night I actually had to get up in the night with Asher! That didn't sit so well with me!

Get better soon boys, and return to your happy go lucky selves please!

That's Some Cute!

Oh my goodness we just saw pictures of our little friend Amelia's first birthday. Wowee is she a doll. But speaking of dolls, check these two out.

Meanest Mommy

Today I was told I was the meanest mommy. That she would NEVER SNUGGLE WITH ME AGAIN. And that she would NEVER COME IN MY ROOM AGAIN. And that she will NEVER RIDE HER BIKE AGAIN.

Why?

Because I made the outrageous, cruel and unfair requirement that she wear shoes while riding her bike on the deck. No socks, no jacket, no gloves required - only shoes. But apparently that has elevated me to Worst Mommy Ever status. So it's that easy? I can't wait to see what I'm labelled when I actually do something mean. At least she hasn't learned "hate" yet. That'll be a good one when she tosses that at me.

God give me strength.

Teething

A few months ago, both boys got both bottom teeth without any incident. One dose of Camilia for Nolan and the teeth were in. As for Asher, we didn't even know he was teething until I looked one morning and saw two tiny little chompers. Little toughies, as per usual.

The top teeth are a whole other story. Asher didn't take 7 bottles in a row (that's over two days worth! Considering that their 3 bottles/day are the only liquid they take, I was having a mild heart attack, envisioning him getting admitted to peds for IV hydration). I tried feeling his gums but there was nothing there and I got no reaction. Then one night Jordan stuck a finger in and poor Asher sounded like a dying cat. So we dosed him up with Tylenol and sure enough he took his first bottle in two and a half days!

Well that was three days ago and he hasn't been able to take a bottle without tylenol or Camilia since. Nolan on the other hand was fine until last night, and suddenly he has turned into a bear too. So far he is bottling fine but he is sooo grumpy and whiny. It is heartbreaking (and exhausting) to see them so miserable.

Of course Jordan is at work tonight, Rio needs a bath, and the boys are miserable. What's a mama to do but try to ride it out, send the big kid to bed dirty and hope the boys settle soon.

Oh 4 front teeth - please make your appearance soon!! I can't take this!

Not A Hero

Several weeks ago a friend sent me an article written by a mom of a severely disabled baby. Since then I have read it over and over and over again, and cry every time. I know that what this family is going through is quite different than what we've been through - but it gives a glimpse into my brain, being the mother of babies born under not so perfect circumstances, one of whom may be heading down a more difficult path than we'd hoped.

Like her, I don't wish to offend anyone by saying that I share her thoughts, but I really do, no matter how well meaning everyone's comments are. So don't hate me ok - any of you other parents who've told me you don't know how I coped - I do what I have to do, as would you.

You can check out the article here.

It's Ok

The other day my friend Steph made a post on her blog entitled "It's Ok". It was about her experience with an executive coach and how positive it was because it taught her to slow down, cut herself some slack, and realize everything was going to be ok. This was such a great experience for her that she offered up a contest to her readers, asking them to send her their best "It's Ok" story in exchange for being entered in a draw for a beautiful blanket.

For the life of me, I could not think of ANY "It's Ok" moments - only a long, long list of "It's NOT Ok" moments. It seems like all I am doing lately is beating myself up about what I'm doing wrong, or what I'm not doing well enough. In talking back and forth with Steph about it, I realized that it was truly pathetic that I couldn't come up with one good moment where I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, or offer myself a bit of forgiveness or even patience. So for Steph, but especially for me, I decided to challenge myself and come up with one. In addition, I decided to treat it as a writing spark - an excuse to do another short piece. So without further ado, here it is below...It's ok:

Momoirs Part 5: Gratitude

Thursday is my second to last writing class through The Momoir Project and I am really sad to know that it will end in two weeks. I will write one more spark (to be identified this class) and am still working on my longer essay, which at this point is about halfway done. I am really going to miss this class when it's over, and hope that I can keep up with the regular writing.

This week's spark is "Gratitude", so here you go.

Cute Pays

Not everyone is lucky enough to get by on their looks, but Asher and Nolan have managed to cash in on it! Our diaper service had a contest for cutest hallowe'en babies, and guess who won?!

Thanks boys (and big sis for completing the theme) for being the cutest "things" ever. You just won us a free week of diapers!

One hand, two suckers

The other night, as like most other nights, the boys had some cuddles on our bed before their last bottle and real bedtime (their own cribs).  I realize you've seen this pose a thousand times, but its cuteness never gets old.

(Is it just me or does Asher look so gansta here?)

Suddenly I could hear hysterical laughter from Asher and I went in to see that he was desperately trying to suck Nolan's pinkie while Nolan was sucking his own thumb. Nolan was completely oblivious so Asher would just get going and Nolan would move and pull it away. The best part was that instead of getting frustrated, Asher thought this was the funniest thing ever and just kept trying. Below, I caught momentary success before Nolan moved and Asher was back to square one.

At times, all of us wish we had another hand. I guess in his case, Asher's found one!

Published!

When I wrote about my first assignment for my writing class, I didn't mention that my teacher asked if I would like it published on her blog. I was so excited at the time but didn't say anything here because I felt like I was bragging. Well if it is actually bragging I apologize because I am quite proud of myself today! Here it is: The First Time.

9 Months Corrected

Although we only took monthly pictures of Rio until 12 months, we will continue with the boys until 15 months (or 12 months corrected) because I have fun comparing them to their sister at the same age. So here goes for this month:

 

Asher - 9 months corrected (12 months)

Nolan (aka Chris Farley) - 9 months corrected (12 months)

Rio - 9 months

A Very Special Gift

I mentioned in an earlier post that we received a very special gift in the mail. I don't think it was necessarily intended to be a birthday present for Asher and Nolan, more of a family gift, but given the contents it was fitting that it arrived on the boys' birthday.

(Disclaimer - if you don't follow hockey this post won't mean a lot to you, but read anyway because the sentiment is unbelievably thoughtful.).

Some background to the gift...

For a very long time (20+ years - ouch!) I have been friends with Christa and Adam. Adam had an incredibly successful NHL career with the Quebec Nordiques turned Colorado Avalanche and then the LA Kings. Unfortunately, Adam's career was cut short by injury, but he is now back with the Avs on the coaching staff. Christa and Adam are also parents to 9 year old twin girls.

Anyway, several days ago Christa sent me a message telling me to keep my eye on the mail. Initially, I thought they may be sending mini-Avs jerseys to the boys because Christa had made a jab at our family picture in Canucks gear (rightfully so, I know we're ridiculous). When the present arrived it was too small to be jerseys so I was even more excited to know what the contents were. Jordan and I were both literally ripping it open at the same time. It went something like this:

"Hmmm. It's a purple tie". I could only see the back so I flipped it over.  "Ok, it's a purple tie that says "Hockey Fights Cancer" - cool, something charitable". I then unfold it to see that it's autographed. "Cool! Adam has had this autographed by some Avs".  I look and see two names that I can't make out and turn to Jordan. "Who's #22 and #33 on the Avs?........OH.MY.GOD!!!!!" I stare at Jordan in disbelief while it takes a second to register with him. We look at the signatures and suddenly it's clear as day. HENRIK SEDIN. DANIEL SEDIN. I start to cry.

They have sent us a tie signed by Henrik and Daniel! I am freaking out trying to figure out how this all came about, and my first assumption is that Christa has bought this in some hockey charity auction. Then I glance at the envelope and notice it's not Christa's writing, but Adam's. Then I look at the stamp and notice it is Canadian, and the postmark is from Calgary. Hmm. This is getting interesting.

I run to the computer and check the Avs schedule and see that last week they were in Vancouver (duh, I watched the game) followed by Calgary the next night. So then I reeeeeaaaally start freaking out realizing that Adam has had this signed by the Sedins last week.

In the meantime, Christa has responded to my frantic emails and has confirmed that is what happened. Adam traveled to Vancouver with the Avs, passed the tie along to someone to get the Sedins to sign it, then brought it to Calgary and mailed it from there. Originally, Christa had intended to send me the tie (worn by Adam on "Hockey Fights Cancer" night) so I could donate it to charity (she thinks of my mom and cancer related charities). But then Adam realized they were about to play the Canucks so he could orchestrate the signing by the Sedins. So clearly, this tie is not getting donated to charity, and will be framed in the boys' room!

I literally cried every time I thought about it yesterday. This was absolutely the most thoughtful gift and made our day. Not only did they go to all this trouble to get it signed, but specifically by the twins. According to Jordan, the ONLY thing that could have made this better is if Trev was lurking around and Adam passed the tie to him to get the Sedins to sign it. HAAAA, we are insane.

Thanks Adam and Christa - you guys are the best. What a memorable gift!

The Aftermath

Yesterday, the boys' actual birthday, was a pretty quiet day. We were all exhausted from the party and hallowe'en so we mostly just took it easy. While Rio was at preschool in the morning we took the boys downtown, then later in the evening we took the kids out for dinner to The Reef and we were very impressed with how successful the outing was. It was made better by the new seats we got the boys, and mama even got her drink in a coconut because the waitress knew it was the boys' birthday!

It was an emotional day, but over all much more happy than sad. I did coincidentally look at my watch at exactly 6:05 (the time I called Jordan to say the babies are coming NOW) so that was a sad moment, but other than that no really horrible flashbacks. All in all a great day, made even better by the special present we received in the mail (a separate post to come on that).

Today we are back to real life and will spend the rest of Jordan's days off doing errands and chores. Far less glamourous than a costume party, but unfortunately it can't be the boys birthday every day!

Happy 1st Birthday Asher and Nolan!

This year has marked the most emotional, challenging and amazing time of our lives. Since last night, the tears have been off and on like a faucet. Jordan asked me if I'm happy or sad and I think it is some mixture of both. Today we are at the opposite end of the emotional spectrum from where we were on November 1, 2009, and I think my mind is having a hard time processing it all.

My sweet boys, there were many times in the early days when I was sure that one or both of you would not make it to this day. But you got through all of your challenges, as insurmountable as they seemed. I never would have guessed that the sound of your laughter would be resonating through our house. Or that you would both be sitting in your high chairs, yelling for dinner so loudly that I couldn't hear my own thoughts. Or that you would look so identical but each have such distinctly different personalities. Or that despite all the trauma you've been through, you would be two of the happiest, most laid back babies anyone has ever seen. You have truly shown us every single day what strength, resilience and miracles look like.

Asher - you are a total mama's boy and I love it. You are our observer, watching everything around you, learning and growing every day. Your smile and your eyes light up a room and your crazy babbling and laughter are infectious. You radiate pure joy from your soul and people can't help but be happy around you. While I often wish that you didn't need to physically work so hard, no part of me wants to change you. You are perfect.

Nolan -You are the mover and the shaker.You learn by doing and you always figure out how to get what you want with such determination. You can be so serious and quite discriminate about who you're willing to smile at, but you make us laugh endlessly and you have the cutest scratchy voice. The immense love you have for your siblings is so obvious - you are Rio's biggest fan and Asher's protector. You are a gift.

A year ago was the scariest day of my life but today is one of the happiest. You have completed us and made us the luckiest, most blessed family in the world. You bring more love to our lives than I knew was possible. Happy 1st Birthday Asher and Nolan! You are worthy of every celebration we give you, and more!

Asher - Nov. 1, 2009 - 2 lbs 1 oz.

Asher - Nov. 1, 2010 - 22+ lbs

Nolan - Nov. 1, 2009 - 1 lb 15 oz.

Nolan - Nov. 1, 2010 - 23+ lbs