I'm sharing a really great article I saw posted by Graham's Foundation, a preemie charity I am in love with and will eventually do a separate post on. This is an article on what not to say to the parents of a preemie.
A lot of people, when faced with someone they know having a preemie (especially ones as small as ours) say some probably well meaning, yet awkward things. I have heard a variation of every single one of the points in this article (including #10 way back in the day!), and you know what, it STILL hurts. It doesn't matter if your preemies are no longer 2 pounds, I have the feeling that remembering that painful time when they were never goes away.
Recently a mom from Rio's preschool asked me why the boys were early. She apparently didn't realize she was asking something inappropriate (let's face it, most people don't, hence why they say dumb things), but I was at a loss for words. I stumbled out the explanation, then cried the whole walk home. Really lady, if anyone has a micro-preemie (or any preemie for that matter) it's a traumatic event, so do you think that is an ok question to ask someone you barely know? Unfortunately, a simple word like "why" leaves the asker's lips, but yet by the time it reaches the preemie mom's ears, she hears something more along the lines of "What did you do wrong?" or "Why couldn't you prevent this?".
Anyway, clearly, prematurity is a difficult subject for me and anyone else who's been through it. So give the article a read! I know most of you know better than this, but just a little reminder :)
Don't forget this one "its all in the past - look to the future and move on"
ReplyDeleteThe thing that drove me the most crazy during the boys NICU-stay? All the people that kept reading stats and kept telling me that the boys would be OK. There were a few people that I actually ENJOYED telling about Ben's CP-diagnosis...in some twisted way, it felt like I was saying "i told you so!".
ReplyDeleteThanks Tracey! Awesome insight for everyone. I read the whole article. I agree that parents, even parents of full term babies, can receive some crappy advice and comments when they become parents. I cannot imagine the worry and stress of having to care for preemies AND deal with all of the stupid comments. I don't pretent to understand your experience but I have heard some crazy stuff since becoming a parent....I try not to offer advice at all at the risk of sounding like one of "those" mothers. lol.
ReplyDeleteKeep on being a great Mumma for your kids....
Cheryl.
Number 1 is pure, cruel, insanity!
ReplyDeleteEva