Roadie Part 6 - Big Sky Country

After saying farewell to Rapid City we head off for Billings Montana. Truthfully I was dreading this day. Six hours, our longest so far, and not a lot to see or do along the way. Well as usual when I set low expectations, I am pleasantly surprised. The kids were amazing, the drive was really picturesque (as it has been the entire way) and somehow it managed to fly by with only a few stops. Never have I been more thankful for AC though, as our hotel read 110F when we arrived!

Aside from a very rewarding stop at Famous Dave's barbeque restaurant (America, you have some gems we do not have in Canada!) Billings was just a pass through on our way to our next Montana stop. The drive was horrible. What was supposed to be four hours turned into a lengthy ordeal of construction stops followed by not one reasonable place to eat our picnic lunch. We ended up pulling off at the side of the road when the kids were absolutely losing it, only to be swarmed, and bitten repeatedly, by flies. A quick jump back into the car and we were anxious to get to our destination.

That destination - Great Falls Montana - seems to be a bit of a dud. Don't get me wrong - we had nothing planned for Great Falls other than a stop en route back to Canada, but our pizza dinner seems to be the only highlight. A great meal was made even better by the fact Jordan put our leftovers on the roof of the car, then drove a block, realized, made a u-turn, and jumped into traffic to get our pizza box that was lying open, but still intact, in the middle of the road.

The kids are driving us a bit crazy today so we can't wait for this day to be over and to start our drive back into Canada tomorrow. We are however, sorry to bid adieu to cheap gas and even cheaper booze, and even more sorry to realize this trip is quickly coming to an end.

Next up - dinosaurs in Drumheller. That's all for you Rio, so it better be good!

Roadie Part 5 - More Rapid City and the Black Hills

Settled into Rapid City for a few days,  it was time to actually see some sights.  Thursday we started with tourist destination #1 - Mount Rushmore. To be honest, Mount Rushmore was not somewhere I ever thought I'd go. Really, I know NOTHING about american presidents (except maybe the most recent 3) so it was never high on my list of things to do. But we were right here, so close, so when in Rome...

On the approach to the monument there were amazing viewpoints where we could see it perfectly. Pair that with a fantastic camera with some really nice lenses (not to mention a good photographer) and we had some great pictures* without actually getting out of the car. We realized that for a car full of Canadians that was good enough, so without having to brave the crowds, our experience with four giant rock faces was complete.

We carried on a drive through the Southern Black Hills, another "must do" for the area. On the map the drive was only about 50 miles so we took off with very few snacks and not much for the kids to do in the car. What we didn't realize was that those 50 miles would take us about four hours to drive because of the steep winding roads. The kids ended up doing remarkably well and the drive was totally worthwhile, seeing amazing landscapes and all of the wildlife we missed out on in Yellowstone. Buffalo, buffalo everywhere, along with lots of other species coming right up to the car.

Thursday night we left the kids with some members of our friends' family, and took off back to Deadwood with a bunch of people for a night of gambling. Jordan and I are total amateurs so lost our agreed upon limit pretty much instantly but it was all part of the experience.

After a late night for our kids of partying in their own right, we were off on Friday morning to Storybook Island - a park full of fairy tale characters. Then Jordan spent a quiet afternoon at the hotel catching the kids up on some much needed sleep, while the bride-to-be and I did some last minute wedding errands (including very important pedicures). We then head to their house for the rehearsal party that started with a torrential downpour. In my 17 years living in one of the rainiest places on the continent, I have never experienced rain like that. Arriving at the front door of the house seconds after stepping out of the car, I looked like I had taken a shower fully clothed. But like any good summer storm, it let up quickly and soon the sun was out and we were setting up for the outdoor wedding.

This morning we are having another quiet morning. Packing and shopping, getting us ready to start a few long, boring days of travel back to get us into Alberta. This part of the trip concludes tonight with the wedding that we are all looking forward to - including the kids who have made lots of new friends. It will be very sad to say goodbye to this place and all of the lovely people in it.

Next stops - Billings Montana tomorrow and Great Falls Montana the next. Can't imagine there will be much excitement to report from there but you never know what adventure may await!

*Reminder- I would love to post photos but the wifi in busy hotels makes that impossible until we're home.

Roadie Part 4 - Spearfish, Deadwood and Rapid City, SD

After leaving Buffalo WY, we started the short (only 3 hours!) drive to South Dakota - our furthest point on the trip. Interstate highway followed by the winding Spearfish Canyon, and we were in Deadwood - heart of the wild west. Jordan and I were big fans of the HBO series back in the day so it was pretty fun to see it in person and do some terribly touristy stuff.

After we were all hot and tired (the theme of this trip at this point) we ended in Rapid City, settling in our hotel for four glorious nights. The room is fantastic and offers us a much needed break from packing in and out every single night.

Tonight we went to our friends house for dinner and now everyone is heading off to bed to prepare for a few days of sightseeing and fun with friends.

Tomorrow: four giant presidents carved into the side of a mountain. Ya Rushmore!

Roadie Part 3 - Yellowstone Park, a Dude Ranch, and Buffalo WY

Leaving Gardiner MT we headed to the north entrance of Yellowstone National Park for a really rushed day, trying to cram in as much as we could see. (We were told endless times that one day was not enough, but here we go with that tight schedule again!) Anyway, the day did not disappoint. We saw numerous hot springs and geysers, including a perfectly timed eruption (is that what you call it?) of Old Faithful, plus beautiful landscapes everywhere we drove. Our only regret was that we saw just one bit of wildlife in the entire park - a chipmunk! Thankfully just a couple of minutes outside of the East Entrance we also saw a moose.

The kids were fantastic for the whole day, doing really well getting in and out of the car for photos and sights. They had an excellent "Junior Ranger" program and Rio had a ton of fun completing all of the requirements.

After a full day we headed through the East Entrance, and just a few miles past we spent the night in a dude ranch. Unfortunately we could not persuade Rio to go for a trail ride (or even a 10 minute pony ride) but the kids had lots of fun petting the horses. Asher was even brave enough to sit on a horse and he was beside himself with excitement. I was so proud of him, and thankful that he will likely enjoy the therapeutic horseback riding we have him on the wait list for back home.

We left the dude ranch this morning and after a pretty uneventful drive we are now in Buffalo Wyoming. We are spending a night at a fairly rustic cabin, then head tomorrow for our eastern most destination - Rapid City SD. We have several stops planned along the way (only a 3 hour drive tomorrow) and then we stay put in Rapid for four nights. Looking forward to seeing friends and settling in for a few days to really see the sights.

Now off to get kids fed and do some laundry. Life is glamourous isn't it, even on the road?!

Roadie Part 2 - Coeur D'Alene ID and Driving Through MT

After leaving Trail we headed south of the border for a quick jaunt through Washington State, then over to Coeur D'Alene Idaho where our old friends and their kids live. We couldn't spend a night with them (this schedule is TIGHT!) but did spend a fabulous afternoon visiting and out in their boat on the Spokane River/Lake Coeur D'Alene. We took off around dinner time and had a painful drive to Missoula Montana. The kids were tired and filthy and there was a one hour time difference so we couldn't get them off to bed fast enough.

A short sleep and we were packed up in Missoula, hit Target on the way out (some damage done!), then headed for Gardiner Montana at the north gate of Yellowstone Park. The drive was beautiful and the kids were quite happy (with a little help from some portable DVD players). So far, all a success.

Roadie Part 1 - Kelowna BC and Trail BC

Updating the blog on this trip has been far more difficult than I'd planned! At first we were too busy, and now we have had very spotty internet access along the way for the past several days. I am currently sitting in the car because I cannot connect to wifi either in our room or outside! Anyway, I am trying to catch up on the previous legs but will keep it short. Starting with leg 1 – Trail to Kelowna.

The trip started well with a visit to the BC Ferries buffet. How could you not be happy at the start of your vacation when you've stuffed your face with delectable breakfast items? But it quickly turned sour when we began driving, and by Hope BC (less than 2 hours from the ferry) the boys were melting down in a big way. I was ready to turn around right then, but thankfully Jordan was sensible and we continued on.

Reaching Kelowna was well worth the drive. Old friends, new kids, and a wonderful night catching up.

Not a long rest though, as we took off the following morning for my home town of Trail BC. Along the way we stopped at beautiful Christina Lake for ice cream and a swim then we were “home” for three days. Lots of family, friends, and heat. Oh the heat.


This horrible internet availability is making uploading pictures impossible. But will do when we get home or if by some miracle it becomes available along the way. Not counting on it based on our experience so far...

If You're Wondering

We're alive and well and the trip is going great. But we've been unbelievably busy, and spending time on the internet hasn't been much of a priority when there's been friends and family to see, roads to be travelled, and ridiculously hot weather to be endured.

So far we've been through Kelowna BC, Trail BC, Coeur D'Alene ID, and we're in Missoula MT tonight after a verrrrrry long (but fun) day.

Now that we're through the "visiting old friends and home town" stage of the trip and into the sightseeing, I'm hoping I'll have more chance to blog. I had lofty goals of uploading pictures along the way but I'm not sure how realistic that is. It's certainly not happening tonight, but I can assure there's some good ones and you'll see them eventually.

This whole road trip business is hard work. Off to zzzzzzzzz before one or both of the boys decides (again) they don't care much for unfamiliar sleep surroundings.

And We're Off!

Ok not quite. We don't actually leave till tomorrow morning on the 8am ferry. But something tells me I'll be running late in the morning, no matter how ready we think we are.

Jordan works till 10:30pm tonight, and did the same last night. That means we've had to be very, very organized. Not a problem for me. In fact, I am relishing all this list making.

At this point, we are pretty much ready to go. Or at least as ready as you can be before throwing in the very last items like your tooth brush or your children's cherished security blankets.

The car is half packed, and the rest of it lines our front hallway. Five people have A LOT of stuff, even if you are very practical (light) packers. Hauling all of that stuff in and out of a hotel room every single night is going to get old. Fast.

We are so excited. Nerves are gone and we can't wait to get on with our adventure.

Wish the Griswalds Trousdells luck and safe travels! I leave you with this.

Words From a Reader

Some of the best comments I get on the blog are via email. People either want to say something they may feel is too private to share with the world, or what they have to say is too long. For whatever reason, I have received some really beautiful emails from readers.

Below, I am reprinting the text of an email I received earlier in the week (with the permission of the writer). It is in response to this post. I know many (most?) other parents with special needs kids worry the way I do (ok ALL the ones I know do), so I thought this was really worth a share. It helped ease some of my worries - hopefully it does the same for you. What a wise, well spoken, caring 18 year old to share this with me - and all of you:

"I just graduated from high school and I have spastic diplegia CP. My CP is on the mild side, but it is definitely more involved than Nolan's. I noticed the other day that you were worried about your boys being teased in school.

I know everyone's situation is different, but overall, my experience in school was a very positive one. I remember that even in preschool, my classmates would ask me questions about why I walked funny, and I would say, "I got hurt in my mommy's tummy so my legs are tight" (which isn't exactly true - I was born at 27 weeks, I'm a triplet, and I have a mild bleeding disorder, so all three of those things put me at a higher risk of developing CP, but as a preschooler, that was the level at which I understood my disability). That simple explanation was always enough for them.

I think that Asher and Nolan might get asked a lot of questions in school, but in my experience, they were just curious, innocent questions that didn't hurt my feelings.

I never had any trouble making friends because of my disability - in fact, I think that sometimes my CP was a positive thing in that regard, because I attracted friends who didn't judge me based on my gait! My friends are amazing - they understand that I have physical limitations and they offer help when I need it, but other than that, they treat me as if I don't have a disability. I hang out with my friends just like any other teenager - we go to the movies, the park, the mall, etc., etc., and sometimes adjustments have to be made, but they are always very understanding! :-)

In fifth grade, my teacher would often take us outside on Friday afternoons to play kickball, and the first few times we played, he asked me if I wanted to try. My answer was always "yes." One Friday afternoon, after I kicked the ball, I "ran" to first base (I can't really run, so I was actually just walking as fast as I could without falling). Eventually, I made around all of the bases, scoring a point for my team, and they all cheered for me. I didn't realize it then, and nobody ever said anything to me about it, but thinking back about that now, my classmates probably didn't try as hard as they could have to catch me. Usually they treated me like everyone else, which was awesome, but in that moment, they allowed me to "run" the bases and experience what it was like to score a point in kickball, and that is a beautiful thing. :-)

Also, when I was younger, I took karate lessons outside of school. Obviously, modifications were necessary for me as I couldn't exactly jump and my balance wasn't as good as the other kids. Oftentimes the instructors would set up obstacle courses, and they would lift me over the obstacles that had to be jumped over. At first, I was sort of embarrassed about this, but the other kids in the class were awesome - oftentimes they cheered for me as I went through the obstacle course.

So anyway, I realize that this message might be a little bit long, but I just wanted to let you know that in my experience, school (and my social life in general) has been awesome! I do have two brothers the same age as me who do not have CP, and while we get along wonderfully, they didn't have to protect me. :-)

I've been following your blog for a little while now, and your kids are so inspiring! I know CP can be hard to deal with sometimes, but I have found it to be a blessing in many ways.".

....

Wow eh? I told you she was wise! We have continued communication and each of her emails have been equally insightful. How lucky I am for my new young friend!

The Hip

Last night, storm-delayed by 90 minutes, and earlier parts of the show cut short because of an electrical storm, we saw The Tragically Hip. Live. Outdoors.

No words can describe Gord's weirdness that translates into pure awesomeness.

With bolts of lightning filling the sky, they rocked. They saved the best for last, pulling out the classics towards the end.

They are long time Canadian legends for good, good reason. I had a bucket list item checked last night, and now the sun is shining this morning.

Happy Weekend!

Date Night

On Tuesday night, our respite worker came over and Jordan and I got out for a date night. This has been happening more and more frequently and the time is so treasured. Often times we just go for a quick coffee or even do errands, but the other night we decided on a real date.

We're classy I know. No fancy restaurants required for us to have a good time. Stuffed our faces with convenience store treats then sat down to some Moonrise Kingdom. (So good!).

Nice for the kids to have someone who does nothing but play with them for a few hours. Nice for us grown ups to have some play time too.

Once a Micro-Preemie...

Yesterday Nolan had a trip to the doctor to check on a nasty cough. Long story short, an x-ray revealed pneumonia so he has antibiotics and a puffer. If all goes well, he will be better before we go on our trip.

As concerned as I was about this I sent Nolan to the doctor with Jordan, not me, with a laundry list of questions:

You'll tell him he was a 26 weeker, right?

And that no one else in the house has it?

And especially that his twin brother whose face he breathes in all day every day doesn't have it?

And that he just had the stomach flu and we found him flat, face down in his vomit?

It IS possible that he aspirated, right?

And that we're about to head on holidays to the States?

With an eye roll and a "Yes, Tracey", Jordan took off. Why didn't I just go?

Because whenever the kids get sick I get so emotional. Every time I need to say "He was a 26 weeker, he was on a ventilator for 6 weeks, he had chronic lung disease, blah blah blah" everything comes flooding back. When he had hand foot and mouth disease I cried to the doctor for God's sake!

But here's the thing. On a daily basis we are no longer reminded about the prematurity (well except for that pesky CP). We have been INCREDIBLY blessed by the fact Asher and Nolan have never come down with a virus that has landed them in hospital (ok maybe just once but that was a total fluke and had more to do with an unidentifiable rash than anything else), nor have they had any sort of sickness that out of the ordinary for any kid, much less a micro-preemie.

But when they do get sick, my wheels start turning even more quickly than normal. I remember that as strong as they are, as good as their immune systems have become, and as "pristine" as their lungs are (a doctor's word, not mine), their health, even at 2.5 years old, can still not be taken for granted for a few more years. This time, Nolan was barely sick. In fact had our upcoming trip not been just days away, there is no way I would have taken him to the doctor at this point, or even been concerned. Thankfully we did and it was all caught quickly. Let's call in mother's intuition coupled with a doctor who took our concerns seriously.

It is a fine line with preemies between over reacting to sickness, and not reacting quickly enough. So far we've always made the right decision. Once a micro-preemie MOM, always a micro-preemie MOM. The boys have healed, and will continue to heal. Not so sure about me.

Road Trip Planning

A week from today we leave on an epic road trip. Nineteen days, 2 provinces, and 4 states that look like this (click on it if you want to actually identify where we're going):

We are seeing friends, family, parks, monuments, two weddings, dinosaurs, herds of buffalo, and plenty of highway.

We are in a flurry of packing and planning - making sure we bring enough but not too much.

Excited? Yes! Nervous? Hell yes!

What's Happening Now

I know that last post was harsh. I wish it wasn't, but the unfortunate reality is that whether it is sunny or rainy, the sky is blue or grey, the day is cheeful or miserable, those are the kind of thoughts that live in my brain. The bad news is, I think those worries will always be there, that is par for the course. The good news is, when I am not having those thoughts, my thoughts are more along these lines:

My kids are smart, beautiful, and hilarious.

Everyone who meets them falls in love with them.

All of them have strength of character and wisdom that I have rarely seen in grown adults.

They meet their challenges head on, and have fought every obstacle with super human strength.

They are survivors.

When I look at what's happening right now, not in the future, everything is actually ok.

Better than ok, in fact.

Cute? Who me?!

Lioness/fashionista (Seriously. The outfits. Talk about mama relinquishing control).

"If you don't mind I'd like you to stop snapping your fingers and saying 'Nolan look at the camera' in varied tones. I will look up once and only once so you better like what you get."

Exponential Worry

It seems strange to publish a post like this on such a beautiful, sunny day, but unfortunately sunshine doesn't cure everything...

With Nolan's CP diagnosis, we have a whole new set of worries. Worrying about Asher was hard enough - but made slightly easier because we thought we had two other typically developing kids. But now 67% of our children have a disability. That is a lot to think about.

I wish it were as simple as double the worry, considering we have doubled the number of kids in our family who have CP. Instead, the worry has grown exponentially to a place where I can't even begin to process it.

You see, I worried about Asher and how he was going to get through life, particularly school, with a disability. I worried about him having no friends and getting picked on. But I would always tell myself he would be ok because he'd have his twin brother, surely popular, smart, athletic and able-bodied by his side.  Nolan would always stick up for Asher. I was confident Asher would fit in because of Nolan (not to mention Asher's unbelievably charming personality).

But now that Nolan will face his own set of challenges, that changes. Suddenly their class at school will have not one, but two brothers with CP. Two boys who will have difficultly playing and running and just being average kids. Two boys who will need an aid. Two boys who might have trouble making friends because they're different.

And in that scenario, my worry for Asher actually eases off a bit and I focus on Nolan. Let's face it, you would have to be a real jerk to make fun of a kid in a wheelchair. But a kid who walks funny? A kid who falls easily? That is fodder for teasing. Nolan potentially presents ample opportunities to be made fun of, or God forbid, even bullied.

With that thought my heart breaks. How will they have each other's backs? Does it then all fall on big sister's shoulders? Will Rio run to the rescue every time her brothers are teased? Yes, she will, I have no doubt. But she won't always be there.

I know all of this sounds like worst case scenario, and hopefully it is. Hopefully Asher and Nolan both have no problems making friends, and no real issues with teasing, at least no more than every kid has. They are bright, funny, personable kids and I know that goes a long way. But this is yet another reminder that the normal parenting worries are magnified by 450 million for those of us whose kids do not 'fit the mold'.

Ugh. Sometimes it is so overwhelming I think my head is going to explode.

At least worrying is my forte. If only I could have majored in it in university - I would've had a 4.0 GPA.

Tracey Trousdell, Bachelor of Arts in Linguistics and Psychology Bachelor of Science in Worry and Anxiety (because I really do have it down to a science, not just an art).

Fantastic Mr. Fox

I, being a book lover, am proudly raising readers in my children. Rio and Asher are a bit obsessed, with Nolan recently getting in the mix as well. There is nothing Asher prefers more than books, and they come second only to art for Rio. The kids have shelves full of books, and while I admit a ton of them are not my chosen reads (OMG if I have to read one more Clifford or Dora book, I'm gonna lose it) we have some really well written and beautifully illustrated kids books (Hi Oliver Jeffers and Julia Donaldson)

Lately, as Rio has edged closer to reading on her own, she has been really into "chapter books", as in books that have chapters, lots of words, and very few pictures. The chapter books we initially started reading her were crap in my opinion. Very targeted to little girls (fine) but also very poorly written and lacking in content (not fine). So I decided I needed to steer her in the right direction.

Enter Roald Dahl.

Roald Dahl is my absolute favourite children's author of all time. He's witty, he's cheeky, and he writes stories that are fabulous for parents to read, yet easy enough for children to follow.

So when Jordan took her to the library last week they came home with Fantastic Mr. Fox, I was thrilled. Not only did they choose one of my favourites, but it meant it was finally time to pull down the collection of Roald Dahl books I had bought for her and stock piled in her closet when she was a baby.

We read three chapters of "Foxy" every night. I absolutely loved when a chapter would end in a cliff hanger and I'd look at her - wide eyes, mouth hanging open - and have to tell her that was it for the night. (Insert evil laugh).

We finished reading it a few night ago and she hasn't stopped talking about it. She calls it "Fantablious Mr. Fox" and I haven't corrected her because she's so stinkin' cute. As a treat we decided it would be fun to watch the Fantastic Mr. Fox movie again - the first time being the one and only time we've taken her to the movie theatre. Last time we saw it she was terrified. This time she was pumped.

All tucked in with jammies and popcorn, watching some Wes Anderson magic, the kids were mesmerized (probably as much by the popcorn as the movie but whatever).

So now there's no turning back. Books with illustrations of bunnies and teddy bears and princesses? Move aside to the little brothers! Rio's a big girl and she's ready for the big girl books!

No New Label Required

When Rio was born I became a mom - just mom, plain and simple.

Then I became a mom who lost a baby.

Then I became a preemie mom and a twin mom, all in one shot.

Then I became a mom who had one kid with CP.

And now I am a mom with two kids with CP.

I am the first to say that Asher and Nolan's diagnoses don't define them - they are just  labels. In my case, I don't believe my label defines me either.

"Mom who has a dead baby, twins born at the brink of viability and two kids with a disability".

Wowsa. That's a pretty harsh label and one I really wouldn't wish on anyone when it is spelled out like that. Good thing that when I see it in print it looks MUCH worse and sadder than I consider my real life to actually be. Is that how I see really see myself? Absolutely not.

Proud. Blessed. Happy. Those are the only labels that matter.