Monday, February 17, 2014

A Contrast

She was born ten days early, after a textbook pregnancy. It was a short, uncomplicated labour, with my husband by my side to calmly and peacefully greet her.

They were born more than three months early, after a complicated pregnancy. Their delivery was so emergent and chaotic I wasn’t awake to witness it and my husband was not allowed in the room.

She took a breath and then she cried - both within seconds of being born.

They could not breathe when their tiny, lifeless bodies were pulled from mine. Machines acted as their lungs and only when they were weeks old did we hear the first squeaks of noise, barely resembling crying.

She ate by breast moments after birth, and then by bottle, and by hand. She rolled, sat, crawled, and stood. She walked, then ran, then jumped - all just as she should have.

They ate by tube for months. Eventually they ate by bottle and breast, but with much training under the watchful eyes of nurses. The rest of the physical milestones came late, or not at all. Nothing happened for them as it should have.

For each and every milestone there were endless photos and detailed entries in her baby book.

There are fewer photos and almost no entries in their baby books. Recording how and when things happened no longer mattered.

She and I learned together. I was confident and believed I was born to be her mom. I was incredibly thankful for her, only in a way you can be when your life and your plan for motherhood go exactly as expected. 

I was taught how to take care of them by nurses who knew them better than I did. I lacked confidence and perpetually questioned my role as their mother. I was bitter and angry, only in a way you can be when your life and your plan for motherhood go completely off the rails.

Quite the contrast.

Their starts in life could not have been more different, but the end result - the important part - is the same: unconditional love, boundless pride, and gratitude for the countless blessings each of them brings to our family.


  1. Gorgeous picture. Is that Nolan on the right?

  2. Beauteous writing. When are you coming over for dinner again?

  3. love this post. xoxoox