Monday, March 17, 2014

Holding Hands and Building Houses

Recently Nolan has become enraptured by Lego. Not the new-fangled kind where you have to build exactly what is on the box, but the old-fashioned bricks that you actually have to use your imagination with.

He has been working on different iterations of one building for days. It's a house, it's a castle, it's any number of buildings really, and changes configuration based on what the kids are playing. At this very moment, it's a penguin's house, complete with a bed. While I've marveled at how much fun he and Rio have had creating together, I've felt a little sad for Asher, who sits on the sidelines with a few bricks on his tray. I know he's happy to observe but it's difficult for me to see the other two being able to play so intricately together when Asher doesn't have the dexterity to keep up. They try to do their best to include him, but sometimes I wish they would do more.

The other night after a session of building that I hadn't been watching closely, Nolan excitedly called me over to say: "Look Mama, I built our house for Asher. It's got an elevator and a wheelchair!".

He was bursting with pride, and so was I. He thought to make this all on his own, and he was sure to let me know it.

How's that for inclusion?


A few days later, walking home from preschool, I was thinking about the lego house and what it means. Just as I was lost in another world of thought, Nolan stepped off his perch at the back of Asher's chair, walked up beside Asher, and put out his hand to hold it. It took Asher a solid 30 seconds, or more, to be able to control his arm enough to grasp Nolan's hand, but Nolan didn't falter. He stood there, with his hand outstretched in a place Asher could eventually grab it, and waited patiently. Once the connection was finally made, they walked hand in hand to the end of the playground. No words spoken, not even looking at each other, just joined at the chubby little hands.

How's that for a connection?


These children are brilliant in so many ways. IQ, maybe, but I'm talking EQ. These guys - all three of our kids - get it. They are wise, they are empathetic, and they understand people. In many ways, Asher and Nolan don't have the "typical twin relationship" I had dreamed of because circumstances make that more difficult for both of them. But now through the simple acts of building a lego house and random hand holding, I have no doubt that the the bond is there, even if it sometimes looks different than I had imagined.

How's that for the twin relationship you dreamed of?


  1. We had similar yesterday when Julie-Ann got the coveted castle she has been begging for on her b-day we assembled it and she showed Kendryk look I wanted this because of the elevator! How she picked that out on a box months ago I have no idea.

  2. It always makes me laugh when people think that having a sibling with a disability means they might miss out on things!? It's just different that's all but they are better people because of it xxxx love the lego house! I love watching Peppers empathy leant from Cooper as a brother flow into her friendships at school too x

  3. Now if that doesn't warm someone's heart I don't know what will. Thanks for sharing Tracey.