Ok friends, here it is - time for a new adventure. Things are going to change around here. But first I'll back up a bit.
A couple of years ago I decided I wanted to change how I blogged: less in the minute, live blogging of all the multitude of mayhem that was happening in our lives, and more well thought out posts that my kids would have a better understanding of. That worked, for a while. But as the months and weeks passed, this blog started getting less bucket filling and more bucket emptying. It seemed like a chore to have to write, and I felt like a let down if I wasn't giving at least semi-regular updates. Not a good feeling to have when I have enough real responsibilities in life that can feel that way at times.
I knew I didn't want to quit blogging all together though so I didn't know what another option was. So I just kept going. And the posts got fewer and fewer between. So as a remedy, I started short Facebook posts on the Trousdell Five page, instead of regular blog posts. And for a while, that worked - until I lost my oomph there too.
Over the past couple of weeks there have been a couple of totally unrelated incidents that when I thought about them together, gave me a real insight to my life. My issue is not this blog - it is with my own identity. (Cue the midlife crisis).
For seven years I have identified with being a mom who has lost a baby, had twins, weathered micro-prematurity, and now lives with two children with a disability. In that, I think I lost the ability to identify with myself. Just plain old Tracey.
Now don't get me wrong, for many many years, that needed to be my identity. We were in survival mode, navigating all of these new challenges and trying to do our best to get by, maybe even thrive a bit, with some grace. But it's not like that any more. It's just life now; we're just living it. No more "defining the new normal" or "surviving and thriving" or any of that stuff. Just real life.
And of course I still identify with those things, in large part. For as long as I breathe I will continue to be an advocate for cerebral palsy, inclusivity, and prematurity. But it doesn't mean my whole existence needs to be wound up so tightly with them.
So the first step to getting Tracey back is to lose the Trousdell Five identity online. I will continue to use this space to mostly blog about my children, but not under that name. You'll notice some design changes with a new banner and different tabs. Less them, more me.
That also means the Trousdell Five Facebook page will be gone (more on that in a sec). Instagram and Twitter are also just in my name now. And while these aren't monumental changes that took more than a couple of seconds to make, they feel huge to me. I have always said "I will not let Asher and Nolan be defined by Cerebral Palsy". Yet somehow I managed to let that happen to me?!!
So here's what happens now. I keep blogging, when I feel like it. I will share those blog posts on my personal page on Facebook, and make those posts public. For those of you who follow the Trousdell Five page and will no longer have access, you can go to my personal page and click the "Follow" button on my cover picture. That will give you access to any and all of the stuff I post publicly, leaving anything I want to post privately just for my friends and family.
I also continue to be a voice for CP and prematurity. I just no longer make myself feel like that is a voice that needs to speak louder than anything else I have to say. And as for real life - well I’ll keep on keeping on, trying to take good care of myself so I can take the best possible care of my family. It makes me sad to end this chapter, absolutely. But also excited to see what lies ahead.
Onwards, to the next adventure life brings us. Thanks for your understanding and support. Here's to what's to come...
(still and always, proud mama of the Trousdell Five)